#boundaries

How to Stop Overworking – 5 Tips

If you’re giving everything to work and don’t have energy or time left to play and relax, I wrote this for you!

When your work to do list is overfull, there seems to be only one solution – to keep working through the pile. But what I’ve found is that the pile never shrinks…am I right?

How many hours are you PAID to work each week?
How many hours do you actually work each week?
How many hours are you overworking each week?
How does this impact your love life? Your social life? Your health?

When you overwork, it takes time and energy away from other things you want to do for yourself or with family or friends. Remember, you are replaceable in your work, no matter how overfull your task list is. But you’re not as easily replaceable with your family and friends.

I used to overwork to my breaking point. I was sick often and have 2 specific moments in my life that told me to stop running myself into the ground before I listened. Now I call myself a balanced high performer and I work with other high performers to help them create a life they love outside of work.

5 Tips to STOP Overworking

Reminder: you are here for MORE than your work.

1. Create a work schedule and stick to it.

I talk about this all the time because working in your personal time means thinking about work while getting ready in the morning, working through your lunch, staying late to finish things up, answering emails and texts on the weekends, working DURING your vacation and more.

This is all work and I want you to ONLY do it during work hours. If you have a thought about work outside of work hours, jot it down on a notepad or put a note in your phone so you can handle it during work hours.

Also, turn off work notifications on your phone so you can enjoy your time away from work to recharge.

Only work during your paid work hours. This is not only good for you but your work as well. Overworking leads to exhaustion, overwhelm and burnout. It stops the best high performers in their tracks. I have a client right now that wants me to hold her accountable to having a leisurely morning to ground her energy before she thinks about work. Normally she thinks about work as she gets ready and it messes up her day. Stop this by working only during your work hours – nothing more.

2. Stop letting your to do list grow.

Having people you work with constantly add to your work list means, you’re overworking. I just spoke with a man in the Navy who overworks because his to do list is never ending and it affects other people’s careers. The problem – you’re human and this is not sustainable.

Who else can take these tasks? Is there someone you can delegate to or an assistant who can take more things off your plate. And if it’s something only you can do, what other tasks can you hand off to someone else that anyone can do?

I’ve helped so many clients with this. By having a huge to do list that grows significantly everyday it helps you feel worthy and enough at work at first. You get things done, you prove yourself, people give you more, it’s a vicious cycle that will burn out every high performer.

Assess your workload.

Who at your work isn’t getting the work load you are? Why is that?

Is everyone equally slammed with work or are there people doing less than others? In all my experience working in Corporate, at Spas, being self-employed and working with other high performers – not everyone is working the same. Not everyone cares. Those that work hard and care seem to get more – until they can’t handle it.

You don’t get paid for doing more.

You don’t.

You just get more to do than anyone else or to do more than your job description.

I had a client that struggled with this and she started saying no, and if I take this on – I can’t do this task you gave me. She also stopped working on the weekends and less hours. Guess what? She just accepted a VP role in her company. By saying no and drawing boundaries with her to do list, she’s been getting raises and promotions without even trying. She really can’t believe how much easier it all is.

Stop letting your to do list grow. It causes your more stress and anxiety. There is no award for overworking your co-workers. Or if you’re an entrepreneur, you really do have to pace yourself so you make it through your career.

3. Make self-care a part of your day.

Self-care means anything that allows you to recharge your body and mind. It is doing something that GIVES you back the energy you spent at work. If you think about your energy like your cell phone battery, when you run out of energy – there is no back up battery. You start borrowing energy from the next day and so on.

Think of lunch hour or half an hour as a time for you to fuel your body and reflect on your day. By skipping lunch, you make yourself eat junk that’s laying around and you hit a wall at 3 pm. Plus you keep plugging along when your energy and brainpower won’t be as efficient. Instead, by making self care a part of your day – like taking a lunch every day, this gives you time to fuel your body so you’re not hangry, it allows you to reflect on your morning and assess if you need to tweak your afternoon.

Self-care also looks like getting enough sleep at night and exercising your body. This allows you to show up at work as your best self. Having fun scheduled in with family and friends is also a fun way to boost your energy.

4. Know Your WHY.

Why do you overwork? What are you proving? What does your Success Wound™ drive you to prove: I am worthy? I am enough? I am love? Do you still need to prove anything at this point in your career? Probably not.

I used to overwork to prove my worth and when I did that, all I did was get more work. You can’t constantly prove yourself. It doesn’t work and people typically take advantage of that.

Instead, ask yourself why do I want to take on this task. Does it make sense with my job? My role? My salary? And if you do take it on, what do you take off your plate. Don’t add more to your to do list without handing something back over.

5. Start doing hobbies that bring you joy.

I know, it sounds counter intuitive, but if you just stop working, most high performers have no idea what to do. I watch my retired mother and father-in-law just keep finding work tasks around the house. They can’t sit, be, take time to be present…they work ALL the time. And remember, I said they’re retired.

Part of WHY you work is to bring in money to give you a certain level of a life-style. You want time AND financial freedom. You’re not going to have or feel that if you’re working all the time.

What to do when you’re not working?

Start doing hobbies that bring you joy. Some of my clients have taken up golfing, flower arranging, swimming, Pilates, running, dancing, playing the piano, riding their ebike, playing the guitar, lifting weights, cooking and more.

Find whatever it is for you that gives you a reason to not check your email Saturday morning. You’ll like how this hobby makes you feel. By taking up a hobby, when you think…I should respond to these messages, instead you’ll say, I have class at 9, I’m going to have breakfast and go.

Find things outside of work that bring you joy. You are here for more than your work. You created this lifestyle but you’re not fully living it. Enjoy it!

Have More Energy – 8 EASY Daily Habits

Not enough time in your day? I hear this ALL the time and it gets worse with the holidays.

It may not feel like it, but you do have control over HOW you spend your time. The secret is to be intentional with HOW you spend your time. There are things you have to do for work but work time has to stop affecting all of your time – especially during the holidays.

What if you had work/life balance during the holiday season this year? What if your to dos got smaller?

The biggest complaint I hear:

There isn’t enough time.

Followed by:

I don’t have energy.

The good news is that I have 8 easy daily habits that I’m going to share with you to change that this holiday season. Daily habits are your key to creating a shift in your life that will reduce your stress and anxiety AND help you create that ever escaping work/life balance.

You can pick and choose which ones you want to start with. Don’t pick the ones that seem the hardest for you personally to do. Instead pick ones that will truly create a shift for you immediately and then start adding in the ones that are fun or easy until you’re doing them all.

8 Daily Habits to Have More Energy:

1. Create a work schedule and STICK to it.

This is very important! If you don’t create a work schedule what happens? You work ALL hours of the day and on the weekends adding to your stress and anxiety because you’re not doing anything else.

Create a work schedule that FEELS right to you. If it doesn’t feel right, you’re not going to do it. Bonus – have an end to the work day ritual or process to let go of what you didn’t get done and assign it to another day so you’re not carrying that energy (guilt) into your personal time.

2. Schedule TIME with your people so it actually happens.

Have family or friends you want to meet for lunch, dinner or drinks?

It’s common to say, we’ll get together...and it doesn’t happen. Or everyone puts it on their schedule and then they’re too tired to do it. STOP!

Make time for the people you want to see. You are here for more than your work. These lunches, dinners, drinks and events are the memories you’ll carry with you AND they bring you JOY.

You can use more joy. Make this a priority. Don’t squeeze it into your schedule, put it in their intentionally.

3. Start your day intentionally.

Instead of waking up and thinking, “I have to do this and this and this today…” and starting your day stressed and overwhelmed. STOP.

I highly recommend starting your day when you wake up or your alarm goes off with a meditation, energy work or by being grateful – I am grateful for ____. (Only say what you truly feel grateful for in that moment.)

4. Don’t immediately jump onto your phone, computer or devices when you wake up.

Get ready for the day BEFORE you touch an email. Don’t check your phone for emails or just hit the floor running as this sets the tone for your whole day.

Go-go-go is how you’re exhausted in the afternoon. You’re not a machine. Don’t treat your body like you are one.

Tip – my phone is in the kitchen on silent at night and there are no devices in my room. My computer is set to sleep. What can you do to give yourself more time to be intentional with how you start your day so you flow better through your day?

5. Actually enjoy your morning beverage.

Don’t gulp down your favorite morning beverage while you’re checking emails, running around your house or getting ready for the day.

Feel the mug or glass. If it’s a warm beverage, breathe in the steam.

Slowly drink your morning beverage. Think about what you’re excited about doing today, appreciate what you see outside. Be grateful for the day ahead of you.

6. Take breaks throughout the day.

How many breaks do you take during the day?

Most people don’t take any – lunch if it’s eaten is often eaten while you’re working, checking emails or catching up.

Block your schedule for lunch and actually eat your lunch and stay off technology. This allows you to look objectively at your day and course correct your afternoon as needed. Self-care is how you recharge and it makes you more efficient and productive.

7. Move your body.

Do you sit in a desk all day looking at a computer?

That’s not good for your neck, back or hips. Schedule in a walk after lunch or at the end of your work day, stretches throughout the day as your body needs them or exercise to help release stress and take care of your body. Your body isn’t a machine – don’t treat it like one.

8. Create a bedtime routine. (you had one when you were younger and it worked!) to help you destress and reset before you sleep. It helps create an end to the day. Here’s an article I wrote that gives you 7 simple tips to sleep at night.

The KEY is to be intentional with

HOW you spend your energy.

If you start your day running from task to task, that’s typically how your whole day will go.

Client Results:

One of my executive clients was struggling with time for herself. She had the role of two positions while they looked for someone to fill her old role, she has kids and a husband. She was overwhelmed trying to do it all. She would lose sleep at night to do things she wanted to do like read books.

Now she has created a balance in her work/life, she has TIME to do things that bring her joy and she keeps getting promotions (and raises!) without trying. We started with these tips in this article and we healed the energy that was driving her to overperform and that’s when things really shifted for her. Doing MORE wasn’t her answer and it’s not yours either. What is driving you to over perform? And to burn out?

Your goal isn’t to be more overwhelmed, overworked or stressed out. What are 2 things you can implement from above TODAY? Tell me in the comments, I’d love to hear it.

Start Your Day with LESS Stress

Are stress and anxiety running your life? I wonder…

How do you feel when you first wake up in the morning?

Do you feel refreshed? If you do, how long does that last? When do you stop feeling refreshed? Did you DO something that took away that refreshed feeling?
Overwhelmed? Why are you feeling overwhelmed when you wake up? What are you thinking about?
Exhausted thinking about the day ahead of you?

What do you do when you first wake up?

Do you do a meditation to align and balance your energy and start your day more peacefully?

Or do you check your phone for emails and messages and run into your workday before your feet even hit the floor?

Most people wake up and they’re running from task to task. You start with emails, messages, social media, news and your day is busy until when?

You’re getting stuck in go, go, go mode.

By starting your day immediately going into work mode, you’re not giving yourself the space to ease into your work day. Remember – you are here for more than your work.

One of the most important things you can do is create a morning routine that SETS the tone for your day.

What is your current morning routine? Does it set your day up for success? How do you FEEL about it?

Your morning routine SETS the tone for the rest of your day.

IF your morning routine creates more stress and anxiety for you, you’ll notice that carry throughout your day. If you feel calm and peaceful, that will carry through your day and when things come up that throw you out of balance, you’ll handle it better.

How can you start your day feeling balanced, peaceful and calm?

You get to decide how to start your day. When you create a routine that sets the tone for the rest of the day, you’ll feel more balanced as you start the day. This energy can then follow you into your morning at work.

These are the 3 Energy Healing Habits I recommend to my clients to start their day.

Be intentional with your energy.

Set your alarm clock for 10 minutes before you have to get out of bed.

Allow yourself to wake up and then use this time to:

Meditate
Bring in White Light
Set intentions for the day
Bring in abundance
Affirmations such as I am statements – I am peace, I am calm, all is well

If you allow yourself to wake up by doing things that are going to balance your energy, mindset and body, you’ll feel more calm and less rushed as you start your day.

2. Be intentional with your morning routines.

Give yourself ample time to wake up and step into your day. Try no technology the first 30 minutes you are up to allow you to be very present in your morning routines. Don’t rush through and get it all done fast, give yourself time to nurture your body for your workday.

Wash your face, apply your serums and moisturizer/sunscreen. Be grateful for the day ahead of you, for the things you GET to do. Appreciate your face and it’s features – your eyes allow you to see, you mouth allows you to eat, your nose allows you to smell, etc.
Get dressed. Choose a color that supports how you’re feeling. Appreciate your body (instead of judging it). Be grateful for your body as it allows you to do the things you want to do.
Prepare and drink your morning drink. DO NOT just gulp it down. Hold the glass or mug. Appreciate what you’re drinking. If it’s a steamy beverage, breathe in the steam. If it’s room temperature or cold, feel that in your hands. Think about your day – what are you excited to do? What is new? What is habitual? Do you need to schedule another break into your day?
Eat your breakfast. ENJOY the food, actually chew it and taste it. Be grateful for the food that is nourishing your body. Breathe. Eat. Enjoy. Don’t just grab junk or skip eating all together. What you eat here sets the tone for the rest of your eating habits that day – especially if you didn’t get any protein in your body.
If you exercise in the morning, be intentional with it. Release any stress or worries as you workout.

By being intentional with your morning routine, you allow yourself to start in a balanced place physically, mentally and energetically. Which is very different from jumping on your phone to check emails, messages, social media and now you’re running late so you’ll grab your drink and food and go. Very different!

3. Be intentional with your thoughts.

Do you take time and energy to actually think about WHAT you think about your day? You should try it. How do you feel about what you’re going to do today? Do these thoughts support you or sabotage you? Most likely, you have certain things you’re going to have to do today no matter what – might as well approach them with the best energy you can.

Your tasks – what are you excited to do? What do you dread? How can you take on less?
Who you’ll interact with – how do you FEEL about this? What can you do to create the best outcome?
The goals you will reach – any big goals you’re going to reach today? Any small ones to start taking to reach bigger goals?
The impact you will make – what difference are you making with your team? Your friends and family? In the world?

Pay attention to HOW you FEEL about the things you have to do today. They’ll let you know what is going to be easy and what will be hard for you. You want to address the energy around the things that are hard for you to make them easier.

Creating a life you LOVE means not rushing through the day and this starts with having a morning routine that sets the tone for the rest of your day.

Part of your success in creating a morning routine that will start your day off right is balancing your energy when it gets off. Here’s an energy clearing meditation to help you stop stress, anxiety and bad energy. Here’s a meditation to help you raise your vibration.

Now that you know how to create a more peaceful morning routine, tell me below what you’re going to do differently tomorrow morning. I’m cheering you on and can’t wait to hear how you raise your energy vibration in the morning and how it impacts the rest of your day.

How to Handle Emotional Triggers in Relationships

You feel fine…and then out of nowhere you’re triggered. Someone says something or does something to you that has you spiraling. Often out of control.

Someone has hit an emotional trigger.

How did you respond? Did you say or do something you regretted that you can’t take back? Or did you feel it was justified because they hurt you?

What if I told you there is a way for you to handle your emotional triggers so that if someone said or did something that triggered you, you’d be able to recognize what is happening in the moment and create a different result?

What is an emotional trigger?

An emotional trigger is energy that you are holding onto from a past hurt. Someone said or did something to you that you didn’t like and energetically you are holding onto that experience or trauma.

It lays dormant in your energy until something reminds you of it and you find yourself angry, upset and often out of control. You are acting from that trigger energy.

The person receiving this energy from you often has no idea what is happening or why.

When you are triggered – how do you respond?

Do you scream, yell, throw things, run away. What is your response?

What is THEIR response? Were they shocked, hurt, upset, surprised?

Here’s the thing about triggers. People DO NOT know what your triggers are unless you tell them.

The majority of the population cannot read your mind. They can’t take hints. You have to tell people, I’m struggling with this, or healing this. Do not expect them to just know. You don’t know other people’s triggers, how can they know yours?

You can set a boundary if it’s a deep emotional trigger that you haven’t healed or started to work on yet.

How to Handle Emotional Triggers in Your Relationships:

1. Know your triggers.

You may not like it when someone takes your things, eats your food, makes a comment about your appearance, if you see any kind of abuse happening to another person.

What are your triggers?

If you don’t know what they are:

What did you feel last time you were triggered? Uncontrollably angry or upset
Why did what the other person do to upset you?
What from your childhood are you still angry and upset about decades later?
How does this affect your life today?

2. Tell your loved ones what your emotional triggers are.

Let those that need to know what your triggers are, how you’re working on it and how they can support you.

If they are truly there for you, they will support you and try not to trigger you.

If they intentionally go after your triggers, that is a relationship to re-examine. That’s not healthy.

3. Heal them.

Triggers are energy that you have specifically stored in certain areas to deal with later. The best way to start to heal them is to start to heal the energy you’ve been storing in that space.

This short video walks you through how to start to heal your emotional triggers.

Recognize triggers when they appear

It is your responsibility to keep your energy clear and aligned. No one else can do that for you. Emotional triggers are your SIGN that something has to heal and it’s coming to the surface so you can heal it.

You will find that this isn’t a one and done energy clearing. Emotional triggers are often stored in layers and they are removed in layers as it’s time for you to be free of them. How will you free your energy today?

#1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Are boundaries a scary thing for you to set in your relationships?

Boundaries have a negative connotation for many people. So instead of setting a boundary, they will ignore the problem. But what happens when you ignore your relationship problems?

They grow and you continue to get more and more frustrated. They become the big elephant in the room that everyone can see but no one talks about. This is a problem that does not magically go away on it’s own. Remember, unresolved relationship problems will continue to grow, they need to have an intervention.

As a Spiritual Medium, one of the fastest things I watch pull you out of balance is relationship problems. They affect so many areas of your life so quickly and leave you spinning. Literally.

Relationship problems affect your whole life but you’ll most likely notice them affecting your stress levels, how much sleep you’ll get and how much or how little you’ll eat. They can even affect your performance level at work and make you moody around those that are trying to support you. You don’t want your relationship problems running away from you and you can solve this with healthy boundaries.

What is the purpose of a relationship boundary?

Boundaries protect your energy and your relationships.

Boundaries let others know what is okay and what is not okay with you. Here’s the thing about boundaries, what is not okay for you may be okay for someone else and vice versa. But no one knows this unless it’s verbally communicated. Boundaries are not set in stone across all of your relationships. They are different with different people.

It is very important that you tell – out loud – not just in your head, what your specific boundaries are with the people in your life.

If you feel like you are being pushy or aggressive, I’m going to bet that it’s because drawing boundaries is unfamiliar to you.

There is NOTHING wrong with telling people what is okay and what isn’t okay for you. Again, if you don’t tell them, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind and they’re not good with hints. They need you to be very specific and very clear with what’s good for you and what’s not.

If you set a boundary with someone and they ignore it or make fun of you for it, that’s your red flag that it’s time to re-examine your relationship with this person.

The Golden Rule – do onto others as you want done onto you – applies well here. Not only do you want to let others know what your boundaries are, you also want to know what their boundaries are.

What is the #1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries?

The first step is to SET the boundary. The secret to setting a healthy boundary is that you have to ENFORCE them. All of them.

It is completely pointless to set a boundary and then not enforce it. At that point, it’s like you didn’t even set a boundary.

This is where I see most people fall apart is at enforcing the boundary and that’s why this is the #1 secret to setting a healthy boundary.

Let’s use the example of a child in the candy store. You tell the child they can have 1 piece of candy…and for some kids, setting this boundary is going to be a big challenge, but you set it anyhow for whatever the reason. Reminder – you can tell the reason for the boundary as long as it doesn’t come across as a justification for the boundary. Justifying your boundaries weakens them to the receiver.

The kid comes back to you with a bag full of candy. This is your telling moment. Do you ignore your boundary of one piece of candy or do you enforce it?

If you enforce the boundary and say to the child, “Wow, you found so many great choices. But how many pieces of candy are you going to get right now? One. One piece of candy, so let’s pick out the one you want the most and let’s put the others back.”

The child knows that you set the boundary and you meant it. If the child ignores your boundary and tries to have a temper tantrum for only getting one piece, you have to decide what to do to keep enforcing your boundary. Personally, I know as a child I would have gotten NO candy and I’m sure many of you can relate. Because if I kept pushing the boundary, then there was no reward for breaking the boundary.

But if you let the child get the whole bag of candy because you don’t really care or even worse, you don’t want to create a scene, they’re not going to listen to you when you set boundaries around the things that are really important. Like being honest and respectful with you.

Here’s the thing about boundaries, if you aren’t going to enforce it, DO NOT waste your time setting it. Don’t. You create more problems for yourself and the people in your life will have no idea what you actually want.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary. Let that sink in.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary.

You also set a precedent that you don’t mean what you say. Then this quickly becomes a very confusing game of do they mean this one or do they not.

Do you see why the secret to setting a healthy boundary is enforcing the boundary?

No one likes to be confused.

The more clear you are with your boundary setting and enforcing, the smoother things will go in your relationships.

What to Do When they Ignore My Boundary Enforcing?

Sometimes you will come across a person that hears your boundary and they continue to ignore you when you enforce your boundary.

What do you do in this scenario?

This is one of the most asked questions I get about enforcing boundaries – what do I do if they ignore me enforcing the boundary?

The answer is it depends on who this person is, what the situation is and what you want to do.

Boundaries are set to tell people what’s okay and what’s not. So if they’re ignoring the boundary and you are enforcing the boundary, it tells me more about them and the type of person they are.

If someone cares about you and you set a boundary with them, they should honor it. They want to be a part of your life and not do anything intentionally to upset you. That’s what people that really care about you want to do. They don’t want to cause drama and rock the boat to intentionally trigger you.

Boundaries are the hardest to set with family members.

Family knows you better than anyone else and sometimes they have a pattern of knocking you down and picking on you until you crumble. This isn’t okay by the way, it isn’t ok for anyone to treat you in a way that hurts you. It’s just more often than not, the people I hear struggle the most when you stand in your power and set a boundary is a family member who is used to having power over you.

Family dynamics are the hardest. Don’t you just love those family patterns, especially the generational ones! And this is followed by partners that you are in an unhappy relationship with.

Typically the most unhealthy relationships you have are often the ones that struggle with a boundary. If they’ve been able to do whatever they’ve wanted for as long as they’ve known you, they don’t usually want to change that. They want to do what they know, whether it’s healthy or not.

This gives you an opportunity to decide how to handle this:

Do you need to create more space in this relationship? And if you go this route, make sure you communicate with them that the problem is them ignoring the boundaries you have set. If you leave a relationship without saying why, it creates more problems and karma for the two of you to deal with later and I promise you, it’s so much easier to do it now.
Is this relationship still a fit for you? Is this someone you still want to have in your life. Why and why not? Get really objective and make a list and decide if this relationship was for a reason or a season and it’s time is up.
Do you need to sit down and talk to them? It is very possible that no one has drawn a boundary with them before and they don’t know how to respond. They may feel controlled. They may have been the kid that was allowed to get one piece of candy at the candy store but got the whole bag.

Remember:

Boundaries tell others what is okay and not okay in your relationships together. They’re good and you should be using them in all of your relationships.

The #1 secret to setting healthy boundaries is to enforce the boundary. While it is harder to enforce the boundary than to set it, when you enforce a boundary and the other person respects it, it elevates the relationship.

If someone ignores your boundary and you enforcing the boundary, it’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and interactions with this person going forward.

Who are you going to start enforcing boundaries with in your life? It’s time!

Now that you know the #1 secret to healthy boundaries, I hope you create more balance in your relationships.

Together ALL the Time Now? 8 Tips to Create a Happy Home Environment

You’ve been together more than ever before in your relationship. The access to all your usual activities has been altered which means you’ve been stuck at home together and you’re noticing all the problems. Has the house gotten smaller? Have they always gotten on your nerves and pushed your buttons? What new hobbies can they take up? Or better yet, what can you do to get away? There is a new stress on your relationship that being together all the time has brought to the forefront and it’s not working.

Here’s the thing about relationship problems, they don’t disappear if you don’t FIX them. They actually grow and often spiral out of control, creating new problems that make you wonder how you even got to that point. To take the stress off your relationship, start by effectively addressing the problems together with your partner.

Communicating your problems and needs isn’t always easy, but it is harder to fix this later because it’s grown out of proportion. Most people are not mind readers. This means that you can hint, tell others in the hopes they’ll tell your partner, or criticize them and hope for a magical change but it’s not going to happen. They are not a mind reader! To create a change in your relationship, you must communicate and tell them exactly what you would like to see happening. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll see it happen.

Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:

Getting Clear – Get objective by going for a walk, doing a meditation, writing or yoga. What is at the root of the problems in your relationship right now? When did the problems start? How often are they appearing? What can you do to create a change and what can your partner do?
Creating a Space to Talk – Talking to your partner is just as important as the space you talk to your partner in. This isn’t something you want to do before bed, when they’re in the middle of something, or when there are distractions around. You may even want to let them know you’d like to talk so they can gather their talking points as well and not feel ambushed. If you both come together with solutions and willing to make changes, it’ll be a smooth conversation. Choose an environment and setting that feels safe for both of you. Pick a time that allows you ample time for the discussion where you will be uninterrupted.
Talking to Your Partner – This is the thing you don’t want to do, but this is how you take the stress off your relationship and move forward. The key to successful communication is to be clear, honest and focused on your goal of healing the relationship problems. Have specific examples of what is bothering you and specific outcomes on what they can do to alleviate the problem. There will be compromise on both sides. Commit to taking action on the things you both agree to do. Make sure to heal what has to heal in this conversation so neither of you feels they have to bring it up again.
Supporting the Changes – Make sure you create a way that you can support and hold each other accountable. It may be by reminding them that they’re doing something in the moment but because they’ve asked you to remind them, it won’t come across as nagging. Or you can make sure that you are doing the things you said you would, which will help self-motivate them to do what they committed to doing. The goal is to keep each other accountable and moving happily forward and to address it right away when either of you feel the need.
Holding Boundaries– Boundaries are important. They let each of you know what is okay and what isn’t. Your partner should know what your boundaries are and you should know theirs. If you haven’t talked about this, make sure you do. What was okay for a past relationship, may not be okay for this one – but they will only know that when you tell them what your boundaries are. Make sure you honor each other’s boundaries and communicate any problems immediately.
Having More Fun – Schedule in more date nights, self-care and spontaneity. You may try new things or schedule in more things you both enjoy. Focus on doing things that bring you joy individually and as a couple. The better place you are in energetically, the better you’ll show up in your relationship. Ask yourself, “What will bring me joy this week?” and do it!
Practicing Gratitude – How often do you thank your partner or let them know you like something they have done? What you focus on, you attract to you. Most couples focus on the things that aren’t working, but it’s a game changer to focus on the things that are working. One of the most important things you can do in your relationship is let your partner know what you are grateful for. It can be doing the dishes, doing an errand or for making steps towards the change you’ve asked them to make. “Thank you” goes a long way when it’s sincere and coming from a place of gratitude.
Staying Present – One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is that one or both of you don’t let things go. Do not hold onto past problems – heal them, solve them and let them go. Really let them go so they disappear and you have peace with that situation. In a disagreement, only talk about current problems. If you or they keep bringing up the past, it feels toxic and stuck. Focus on this moment and making the most out of it together. This moment creates your next, so if you are in a good place, you’ll keep creating good experiences.

No one wants to be around someone that is unhappy and it’s even worse when they don’t know why you’re unhappy. Being together all the time will amplify the problems you were able to escape or ignore before but they were still there. You just were focusing your energy and time on other things and this has brought them to the forefront.

If you find yourself complaining about your partner, you’re irritated by everything your partner is doing or you’re thinking about ending the relationship because of the problems you’re not discussing, that’s your sign that you really need to have a talk, right away.

Stop hiding from the stress and problems in your relationship and heal it. The only way to go forward together is to stop looking backwards. By communicating your concerns and problems you stop making bigger problems. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Your home should be your happy place. Your safe place. Let’s get it there again!

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. I recommend “Energy Awareness: My Guide to Balanced Relationships” for extra support.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach successful women at or near their breaking point to reset. It’s time to find fulfillment in yourself and in your relationships. It’s time to stop struggling to get through the day and thrive instead. You can have it all and love this amazing life you have created. Ready?

From Stressed to Thriving: Getting to the ROOT of Your Stress

What stresses you out? (You know this!)

What do you DO about it? (Typically nothing – but… you could really use a vacation to reset.) But going on vacation isn’t a change. Sometimes it’s a break from the grind, but often you’re still working on vacation or thinking about it. And when you come back from your getaway – you go right back to doing the same thing. Being stressed!

This is the problem – you know what causes you stress and you keep doing the same thing. Hopefully you don’t expect a different result because if you don’t make a change, nothing changes.

While you can justify all the stress in your life that’s negatively affecting everything, there will come a time when you can’t. Where this isn’t working anymore. It’s what I call your breaking point.

Stress leads to overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, health problems and burn out. It hurts you and your relationships. You know this, but you have to do ____ and stress is just a part of it, right? NO!

Stress is a sign that you are pushing yourself at YOUR capacity. Your whole being feels this stress and it’s telling you something has to change. You will see the results of your stress in your relationships, eating, sleeping, your health, your actions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns and more.

Stress will take you down. There is no medal for struggling through each day. So why do you keep doing it? Insert – it’s familiar, I have to, I don’t know what else to do. Also insert – this isn’t working anymore. Time for something NEW.

I Don’t Like How I Feel

You’ll feel like a completely different person when you’re stressed, like something is taking over you. From an energy standpoint, that MEANS that something else has energetically taken over you. You won’t like how you feel and you’ll feel like you’re out of control.

Think of it as you saying, “I can’t do this myself.” And an energy (typically negative because you aren’t in a good space energetically when you do this) will step in and literally take over. Once you’ve given an energy permission to do that, it will easily slip in and feed on that negative energy and it becomes a pattern.

The problem is you’re not in control when another energy steps into your vibration like that. You literally hand over your keys.

What to do:

Clear the energy.
When you feel like you can’t do something, let go of that belief in that moment and say, “I am supported. Everything works out in the best way possible for everyone involved.”
Do the inner work every day, throughout the day to reduce your stress. Energy work helps you calm, balance and align your energy. It’s amazing!
Create more BALANCE in your life. The more in balance you are, the better you will feel, the less negativity you will bring into your life.

You should ALWAYS feel like you. If you don’t, you are handing your energy and power over. That doesn’t help you, that creates more problems for you and adds to unnecessary struggling. As a Spiritual Medium, I cannot stress the importance of standing in your power enough. You don’t need any more negativity in your life: I am free. I stand in my power.

How to Stop Your Stress Patterns

You know what adds to your stress, what will tip you over the edge and when you’ve pushed yourself too far. Once you’re in the stress, it’s harder to pull yourself out of it but you can’t stay in the stress for long without getting sick or an injury.

As a successful woman, the key to not getting STUCK, no matter how stressful your job or life is and to ideally catch yourself before you go into your stress patterns:

Have an inner work practice in place every day, throughout the day that helps calm, balance and align your energy
Say no to things that you don’t want to do or have to do
Create a life-work balance
Take breaks, lunches and 2 days off a week (the hustle is not sustainable)
Get plenty of sleep each night, not the bare minimum (game changer!!!)
Hire support to help you stay in balance

Remember, it is easier to keep yourself out of stress than it is to pull yourself out of it when you’re stuck in it. Your patterns are strong, you don’t even think about them – you just keep repeating them.

The key is to create a change and that’s what I help my clients do with my abilities as a Spiritual Medium. Aligning and balancing your energy helps you get on your best path each day.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. To help you destress and balance your energy, I highly recommend “In Light & Love: My Guide to Balance”.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

3 Hacks to Create Work-Life Balance

How will you create a work/life balance for yourself this year?

What New Year’s resolutions did you make to work LESS and play more?

Here’s the thing I want you to remember about work – it should be something you do that easily pays your bills, it may help you have more impact and there’s an added bonus if you LOVE what you do. But work is not ALL you do.

You’re not here to work ALL the time.

You’re not going to look back on your life and EVER think, I wish I worked more. But you can always look back at any time in your life and wish you played more. That’s where this work/life balance comes in.

Most high performers have a toxic relationship with their work that goes beyond time management skills, daily habits and setting healthy boundaries.

As a Spiritual Medium and Energy Strategist, I have spent decades helping my clients create their life/work balance while still moving up the corporate ladder and adding more zeros to their income. One of my clients took a high level position and continues to get raises and promotions without even trying. How did I help her? We did the inner work by addressing why she didn’t feel worthy or enough and how that showed up at work. We also created work/life balance and it was the combination that got her to where she’s at today.

Here are my top 3 hacks to create work/life balance for you:

1. Create a Work Schedule and STICK to it

I know your plate is overfull and if you keep overworking, they’ll keep giving you more work to do. Why? Because you get it done, even if you complain about it. It’s a vicious cycle.

How many hours are you paid to work?

There’s almost always a GAP in what you’re supposed to work and how many hours you actually work. Work the number of hours you’re supposed to and then STOP working.

Also note that thinking about work is WORKING – don’t think about work outside of work hours. I had a client recently who was thinking about work while she was getting ready for work in the morning – what she had to do, solving problems, etc.

Don’t. This is your time to set your intentions for the day, to balance and align your energy so you’re working your best. If you work during your time to get ready for the day, you start your day running and it’s hard to stop that energy. Only work during your work hours. If you get an idea, jot it down to deal with during work hours.

Work only during your work hours. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to FEEL awkward at first. You overwork to prove something to someone from a long time ago. But once you stop overworking, you’ll resent it when you do and you’ll stop. That’s where you want to be.

2. Make Self-Care a Priority

You have to recharge your body just like you do your cell phone. You’re not a machine. When you make self care a priority you:

Feel better
Get sick less often
Have less injuries
Are more present
Have more energy
Are more productive
Are overall happier.

I had a very high performing client recently start making her self-care a priority. She physically had to after some medical issues arose that made her working come to a halt. She started to hold a firm boundary to her work hours and she even included a lunch with friends in her self care DURING the work week. She looked amazing on our last call. Amazing. She beamed with joy when I told her.

When you take care of yourself, it shows. You radiate a different energy – one that’s night and day different from trying to just get through the day.

Self-care to recharge only includes activities that give you energy back. Hair and nails do not count if you’re on your phone, working and not actively recharging. This is what you do to for appearance, not recharging.

Think about adding activities into your day like:

Getting enough sleep at night
Exercising
Taking 30 minutes to actually eat your lunch and reflect on your schedule the rest of the day
Eating regular meals with good food for your body so you don’t snack on junk
Getting a massage and facial once a month (I do this, it’s very possible)
Taking 5 minutes after something stressful happens to be

What self-care will you add to your schedule to recharge? What daily habits can you create with your sleeping and eating? Let me know what you’re going to add to your self-care in the comments below.

3. Schedule JOY into Your Calendar

This is always a hard one when I first talk with a high -performer – what do you do that brings you JOY? Not others, YOU. I usually get a blank look and if I ask this in a group call, everyone is giving me a blank look back.

Why is this such a hard question? Because you’re a doer. You do for others often to the point of exhaustion for you. This means that you make plans with friends and you cancel because you’re too tired. Typically you don’t have enough energy to do things that bring you JOY. You may not even have the energy to think about it. Or it’s so foreign because you’re a people pleaser and you’re used to pleasing others.

This has to stop. Think about things you’ve done that you enjoyed, that were fun. Is it dancing, gathering with friends, scheduling a special trip, a spa day? What is it for you? Now put it on your calendar.

Taking this to the next level for my high performers looks like NOT scheduling one whole day on the weekend. This means no laundry, no errands, no activity of any kind is planned. You wake up that day, check in with yourself and decide what you WANT to do that day. What will bring you joy today and you do it.

I’ll never forget when I introduced this to my clients at a live event. They were so mad – which is intriguing because the intent is to make their lives easier and more fulfilling – which is what this one unscheduled day does. Then I introduced this at another live event I was working at the following month- they were just as mad. Why? We’re so used to being scheduled and doing what we have to do – not what we want to do.

It’s time to make JOY an intentional part of your life again. It seems awkward, but you’ll thank me for it later. All my clients have, even the ones that got really mad at the live events. Joy is what’s missing and is an integral element to the work/life balance. It also brings you into the present moment.

Remember, work/life balance is very possible. I like to call myself a balanced high performer and my clients are well on their way to becoming balanced high performers. Make yourself a priority by having a SET work schedule, making self-care a priority and schedule joy onto your calendar at least once a week. Love you life every single day – it’s also very possible.

How to Clear Negative Energy this Holiday Season

As we approach the holidays, there is a lot of old energy that tries to step in and guide you. You let it in through generational patterns, old beliefs and patterns. It’s been engrained into you.

Many things are shifting right now and you will find that you are ready to be free, move forward and get unstuck. That is no accident!

You are being guided right now to let go of the things that are holding you back so you can step into your purpose in a bigger way. The holidays bring up a lot of OLD, heavy stuff. Triggers, wounds, old pains and a lot of focus on negativity – which energetically attracts in more negativity.

Let’s dive into the different types of energy that affect and guide you, whether you’re aware of it or not!

Types of Energy:

1. Positive Energy

Positive energy is described as visually seeing or feeling light and or love. This energy feels good. You feel supported and balanced. It feels easier to move forward.

Notice that when you go outside and stand in the sun, you feel lighter and freer.

You’ll find you feel better and more positive in the light than in darkness. Sunny days can feel like you can do more because you feel like you have more energy.

Affirmations are easier to say. Abundance feels easier. Obstacles are easier to overcome or find a work around. Life feels more positive when you’re in a positive energy space. People and animals will want to be in your energetic space.

2. Negative Energy

Negative energy is the opposite of positive energy. It’s the absence of love, the absence of light. It is fears, stress, worry, darkness, etc. It feels dark, heavy, like it’s holding you back. Truthfully, this is an illusion and it easily disappears into the light.

Think about when you’ve had a bad day, it feels dark and often you overcome it by doing something to help you shake it or move back into positive energy. It’s easier to be in a negative space energetically on dark and cloudy days.

Negativity is spread easily and often in the media and in entertainment. It sells for some reason. It attaches to your fears and insecurities. It feels more powerful than it is (light conquers darkness always.)

When you are afraid, worry about someone else or something, think bad thoughts about someone, get mad at someone, etc…you are spreading negative energy.

This energy is a little easier to clear than the negative energies in the next section.

Negative Energies, Entities, Demons, etc.

Negative Energies are things that attach to your energy, a chakra or two if they really are hooked into you. These energies require your energy as a power source. They pretend to help you, attach your energy system and will stay until you release them.

They will “help” you with whatever you’re struggling with. But really, they just hold you back, keep you comfortable in your fear and prevent you from moving forward.

These energies take more energy to get rid of because they do not want to leave. Remember the movie, “Ghost,” the black/gray things that would go into the sewers? That is what these look like.

How do they attach?

You let them.

I know that is not what you want to hear and it seems scary but at some point, whatever you were dealing with, you allowed them to attach to you to “help” you with something.

Everyone has allowed a negative energy to attach to them – no one is immune. Not even me. I’ve got some good stories on how I released energies from myself as well as others that were quite stubborn and pretended to be super strong.

I had one blow out a candle when I was taking a shower trying to release it. It left me in the dark – that just gave me the strength to see what it was doing to me and gave me the power to let it go.

What do they “help” you with?

Let’s be clear. They do not really help you. It is an illusion they are helping you.

They need you, they do not exist without your energy. You do not need them in any way. You typically let them in when you are in a bad place and they stay and get more powerful as you give them more power over you.

When do they attach to you?

When you are afraid. It is crazy to think about but when you are afraid sometimes you do not want to be alone, so you let them attach to you to “help” you. They will remain with you until you let them go. They often try to keep you in the place of fear otherwise you will let them go. Often, you have to do letting go to overcome the original fear and then let go of the energy as well.
When you are in a situation that you do not want to leave but cannot stay without trying to leave, you will often allow an energy to attach to you to keep you there. By allowing this energy to attach to you, you are keeping yourself stuck, you lower your energy and you make it possible to stay in that relationship or job that is no longer working but you are not quite ready to leave yet.

How to free your energy?

Let them go. The moment you are aware of the negative energy you are creating (or allowing into your life) or the energies you have attached to you, you no longer need them.

It is time to let them go and free yourself. Here’s a short video I did that helps you free your energy. Here’s a video that helps you clear a negative energy or spirit from your space.

Letting go of negativity and energies is something I was born being able to see and do. You have the ability to let them go too (after all you let them in) but sometimes you need help the first few times because they seem scary and you are uncertain and they will feed on that.

What are you holding onto and why?
Does it help or hurt you?
How are you affecting the people around you.

Letting go is NOT a one and done thing. You are still here, that means you are healing and growing. Letting go is an ongoing process where there is energy for you to clear that appears from this life and others every single day. In my first book pictured to the right, I wrote 40 pages about letting go!

You can find energy blocks by bringing in the White Light and noticing where it’s harder to bring the White Light in or where you see darkness, gray, etc. What are you going to clear today?

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

It feels like your world is falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it or fix it.

You’ve lost control. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what your life will look like. You may even feel like you’re losing a part of your identity.

How did I get here?

How do I fix this right now and get back to normal?

Your instinct is to try to put it all back together again as quickly as possible and exactly as it was – but that doesn’t work. It’s still falling apart. You feel lost, hopeless and have no idea what to do.

It feels like everything is stopped – frozen. Time is going by slowly. You don’t know what to do… and you just want to put it back together again. The way it was wasn’t so bad after all…except that it really was if you’re being honest with yourself.

Why Things Fall Apart

While your life may appear to be just fine, underneath it all, you know that you aren’t happy. You haven’t been happy for awhile but you kept doing the same thing hoping for a new result. But it doesn’t work that way, you keep having the same experience instead.

It’s not working as it is, even if it APPEARS to be. The job. The significant other. The volunteering. Your life is off and while it may seem like it’s falling apart, I like to look at it as falling into something new, something better, even if you can’t see that possibility right now.

Let’s clear this up – if it was working, it wouldn’t fall apart. While it may be difficult to see in the moment, things fall apart so you can step into the new.

The way that things are in your life aren’t right for you anymore and the ONLY way you were going to make a change was if you had to. By everything falling apart, it forces you make the changes you’ve been ignoring, dreading or were unsure how to do. And know this – all is well, even if it doesn’t appear to be in the moment, it is!

What to Do

Flowing through this big change really is KEY. Your routine, goals, plans and certainty is all off.

It’s time for you to do the inner work. Heal the things it is time to heal and refill those areas (like your chest and stomach) with positive energy. Surrender the fear of the unknown.
Create new, supportive routines. Often you are stuck in routines just because that’s what you were taught to do, but do routines that are actually SUPPORTING you.
Get clarity. What is it you would like to do and who would you like to spend time with. Define what success actually means to you, not your family and start creating YOUR success.
Spend time out in nature. Go for a walk, a swim, take your shoes off and connect with nature. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts your energy and helps you connect with your intuition.
Trust that EVERYTHING will work out in the best way possible. You are supported! And if you don’t feel supported, hire support for this transition.

Create a Life You Love

Use this shake up to get more focused on loving your life and get less focused on the goals and hustle.

Do more things that bring you happiness and joy.
Spend time with people that lift you up – and that you lift up as well.
Make self-care a priority.
Redefine what success means to YOU. When your plan changes, make a new plan!!

My clients come to me when everything is falling apart and they’re at their breaking point. I’ve helped them through relationship break ups and divorces after 10 to 25 years together and have them dating again. I’ve worked with successful women that were stuck in hustling and being everything to everyone and making under 6 figures to making mid 6 figures and actually enjoying this life they’ve created.

Things fall apart for a reason. You may not know what that reason is at this moment, but at some point you will and it will all make sense. What is it time for you to do differently in your life?

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. If you are going through change, I highly recommend “Energy Balance: My Guide to Transformations”.