#selfhelp

3 Tips to KEEP Your High Performers Engaged

It’s the holiday season and end of the year. How is your high performance team doing?

Most CEOs and founders don’t know the real answer, even if they THINK they do. There is no cookie cutter process or formula that works with high performers because they’re driven for different reasons.

This becomes a problem because you don’t know if your high performers are staying or leaving.

The truth for most high performers is that they want to STAY.

They don’t want to be bothered with all that changing jobs requires. They will stay until they feel like they have to go. Often when they leave they’re beyond done with the company.

I am a high performer that has experienced burnout twice in my career. I can recognize an overworked high performer immediately and give them practical tips and tools to help them prevent burnout and stress leave.

3 Tips to Keep Your High Performers Engaged

High performers change jobs when:

1. Their Title and Compensation are not in Alignment with their Results

Compensation is as equally important to a high performer as their title is. If you don’t compensate them AND give them the correct title for the work they do for you, they will eventually take their experience to another company that will.

Overworking is NOT a long term solution for anyone on the team.

I cannot stress this enough – the #1 tip to keep you high performer engaged is to make sure their job title accurately describes the work they do and the compensation equals the work they do.

If you really like the drive of a high performer on your team, tell them. Give them bonuses or extra PTO time. Make sure that your high performers know that they are valuable to your company and that you appreciate them.

I can’t tell you how many high performers leave because of compensation and title alone. Make sure your people are taken care of and that will give them a reason to stay.

2. The Work Environment is Unrealistically Demanding

This is the fastest way to drive your high performer to some sort of medical or stress leave or burnout.

If a high performer complains, LISTEN. If they’re complaining, they’re done.

Just because your high performers CAN get things done on a deadline does not mean to keep them in constant deadlines.

If you need to hire more people, hire more people. If you have a high performer that’s doing the job of 2 or more people, make sure that you compensate them for performing the multiple roles in a company.

The more stressful your work environment, the more likely that your high performance team won’t be as high performing as you’d like.

Stressful environments are ones that encourage long hours and heavy workloads. No worker is meant to function in a stressful environment long term.

This will directly affect your current team members as well as word getting out that you overwork your top talent. It’ll make both hiring and retention difficult.

3. They’re not Fulfilled or Engaged with the Work Anymore

Why do you care if they’re fulfilled or engaged? Their productivity drops and often times, they’re looking for another job.

You don’t want your high performers checked out. If they start doing less, they’re done.

What do you do as the leader?

If a high performer is bored, it’s time for a new title and compensation package that matches their experience and skill level. High performers don’t get bored unless the work is too repetitive or unfulfilling.

Or it could also mean that either they’re not feeling appreciated or they’re tired of feeling stressed out all the time.

High performers are naturally fulfilled and engaged in their work. It’s why they excel and work in ways that other team members can’t.

And just a reminder that you can’t make a high performer. Workers are high performers or they aren’t. So replacing a high performer is costly to every company.

What changes need to be made in your workplace?

What are you seeing and noticing with your high performers?

If you think, oh I have workplace wellness in place and your high performers are NOT taking advantage of it – that’s a problem. WHY aren’t they taking advatage of that, especially when they’re told this is to prevent burnout?

If you need help, schedule a call with me to see how we can increase retention, productivity and have a happy team.

All of these are easy fixes. Make them and they will happily stay.

The Top 4 Stressors in the Workplace & What to DO

Stress is a workplace problem that isn’t disappearing. Why is that and what’s causing it?

Is it:

The inability to find more good workers to help with the workload?

Giving more work to high performers than they can manage and not being aware that they’re overwhelmed and overworked?

Or is it having the wrong support in place that is generic and ineffective for your team?

I find that it’s all the above. How about you?

All these things create more stress in the workplace. More stress in the workplace creates burnout, stress leave and employee turnover.

According to WebMD: 75% to 90% of all doctor’s office visits are for stress-related ailments and complaints.

That’s an insane number of doctor’s office visits for stress and it’s completely preventable.That means that getting control over the stress in the workplace is a #1 priority.
This isn’t work for just the high performers to do single handedly- there is work to be done with the team and leaders as well. It’s a company problem.

How is stress regularly created in your workplace?

These are the things you want to stop doing immediately in the workplace. They create stress which leads to all the issues you want to prevent.

1. Stop Having IMPOSSIBLE Workloads and Deadlines

If you keep assigning deadlines and tasks aren’t getting completed by your high performers – this is your sign that their workload is out of balance – even if they haven’t told you yet. This will create a tremendous amount of stress for them.

And note that if high performers start setting boundaries around what you’re giving them to do – you’re in the danger zone as an employer.

2. Short Staffed

I hear a lot of companies are still short staffed. I know, it takes time to hire key players but what are you doing to your staff in the meantime? How long can they continue to overwork like this? How are you supporting them so they can still be with you when you hire the key players you’re looking for?

And in the meantime, where does that money go that they isn’t being payed to the staff you don’t have? Here’s a big tip for you – give your staff that is picking up the slack: extra PTO time, a raise, a promotion, a team retreat or the support they need in the organization to continue to thrive. There’s a lot of things that can be done, just make sure you’re doing something before you have a bigger problem on your hands – like their resignation letters.

3. Giving More Work to High Performers than Other Workers

Does this happen on your team? An excessive workload is the #1 cause of burnout. Who gets more work? You know this – the high performers of course. Why – because you know they’ll get it done at some point.

But do you know at what cost to them and how this impacts the team? This is a huge stress factor so think before you give your top performers more to do – who else can do this. Only give them what they need to do.

Supported high performers are the most consistent performers and they thrive.

4. Unresolved Conflict

Ignoring any work conflict leads to worse team performance. As a high performer who has worked for some big name corporations – you want to stay on top of resentment among the team for those that collect their paycheck while doing the bare minimum.

While low performers eventually are terminated, think about the issues they’re causing the team, more importantly your high performers while they are there.

High performers are an asset because they get more done than other workers. But of course this causes bitterness and irritation between the team members that are performing and the ones who aren’t.

Who are the high performance mooches – as I like to call them – in your organization? How is their workload and compensation compared to your high performers? It better not be the same if you want to retain them.

Stress in the workplace doesn’t increase productivity, morale or employee retention.

You don’t want your employees to be stressed, yet most companies have employees feeling the stress for months if not longer.

Stress isn’t simply reduced in the workplace by introducing yoga, meditation or breath work without addressing the problems above. Your employees are going to ROLL their eyes and be more irritated.

They don’t have time. This is your biggest problem and their biggest stressor.

To reduce stress in your workplace, you want to decrease the stress you give to your employees and give them customized and personalized tools to decrease the stress they physically take on. I can help you with this.

Stop ignoring the stress in your workplace because it does end up costing you your top performers who are difficult to replace.

Now that you know what the top 4 stressors are in the workplace, I hope you are ready to take action to make them disappear. Feel free to share this article with your team and if you’re ready for support, book a call with me to see how I can help you in “The Successful High Performer Program™.”

How to STOP & Reduce Your Work Stress

Have you been told to reduce your work stress?

You’re not alone. Stress has increased in the workplace.The total economic impact of stress to US employers was estimated at $300 billion according to The American Institute of Stress.

Stress is a big problem that affects all areas of your life, not just work. Most people will ignore it and keep pushing through until a health issue arises but it doesn’t have to be that way.

There are a lot of things you can do to reduce your stress: meditate, exercise, take deep breaths, get the sleep you need at night, eat better and so much more.

These are all also good things to do regularly to help keep you from bringing the stress into your body. Which is what I’d like you to do. STOP the stress from coming into your body and your energy.

Understand Your Stress to STOP & Reduce it

1. Pay attention to what makes you feel stressed.

I’m sure it’s going to involve work and probably some family members. Maybe even money. Those are usually the top three culprits.What makes you agitated, nervous, etc. What makes you feel stressed? You have to identify what starts the stress within you so you can stop it.

2. Notice HOW the stress makes you feel.

Obviously, not good, right? You may feel overwhelmed, anxious, jittery, like you can’t stop moving. How does the stress make you feel? Again, you want to recognize what it feels like so you can stop it.

Once you know these two things:

I want you to know when you are in situations that make you feel stressed and how that stress feels so you can stop it before you energetically let the stress into your being. – I bet you haven’t heard that before!!

Stress is an energy. It’s a pattern. It’s familiar. It’s energetically how you tuck things away that you can’t or don’t want to deal with in the moment. But you store it in your body and it creates physical ailments and diseases.

An example of letting the stress in:

Let’s say you get another task at work with another deadline you can’t possibly complete in time with your workload. This will make you feel stressed. You don’t have the time, energy or bandwidth to take this on. You then move into feeling the stress. You may feel overwhelmed, you may want to give up, you may feel panicked at telling your partner or friends you can’t hang out again because you have to work more and you start dreading their response. I’ve seen that a lot.

In this very common example the stressor was more work with an unrealistic deadline. The stress felt overwhelming.

What can you do instead?

Prevent the stressor.

By knowing what makes you stressed, you can create boundaries and plans to help you when the stressor appears. My clients are high performers and when more work is given to them when they’re already overbooked, overworked and on tight time schedules, instead of stepping into the stress cycle and taking it on when they know it’s not possible will create a boundary.

“I’m sorry. There is no way I can complete this by this deadline. I have this task due by this date, and this task due by this date. In order to take this on AND complete it on time, who can take on one of my other tasks or help me with this workload?”

It will feel weird at first, but this is how changes go. And your employer – they have NO idea how overwhelmed or overworked you feel if you don’t tell them HONESTLY. They need to know. They don’t want you out on worker’s comp for stress leave or leaving because you’re too overworked. Tell them.

What to do when you don’t PREVENT the stressor:

By knowing what your stressors are you can prevent them. If you take the stressor on and start to feel the stress, you have to let the stress go. It’s an energy that you don’t need to carry.

How to let the stress go:

Close your eyes, bring in the White Light through your body and imagine letting the energy of the stress go into the light. I took this task on and I shouldn’t have. I release the energy I am now carrying from that. I am free. And then refill your energy with a soft blue light. I am peace. I am calm. I am balance.

Your key to success is to not let the stressor bring the stress feeling into your body and energy in the first place. You do that with boundaries and having a plan in place to protect your time and energy.

The more boundaries and plans you create, the less stress you’ll feel. And then you can stop letting stress control your body, feelings, emotions, time, relationships and more.

There is no badge of honor for feeling or carrying stress. It negatively impacts all areas of your life. That’s why the best way forward for you is to stop it before it starts AND to catch the stress when you’re letting that energy into your body.

How to: Turn Off Work & STOP Thinking About it

Do you find yourself working in the evening? On the weekends? And even on holidays and vacations?

As a high performer, you have to turn work OFF! If you don’t, you will keep finding your thoughts moving back to what you have to do in your non-work hours.

Let me start off by saying, I’ve been there. I found myself overworking in every single one of my jobs. And I’m sure you’ve heard me say this before but I pushed myself to overwork twice in my career because once wasn’t enough. Now I consider myself a successful high performer and I guide other high performers to be this as well. How do we get you to be one too? You have to turn work off and STOP thinking about it.

WHY are You Overworking?

You’re being driven by what I call your Success Wound™. Your Success Wound is your endless inner drive to do more and make more.

Over the last five years, I’ve written articles, I’ve done podcasts and videos to help you start to recognize and begin to heal your Success Wound. Here’s my most recent Success Wound video to help you start to recognize what your endless, inner drive here is. It’s one of three things, you’re proving: I am worthy, I am enough or I am love. Any combination or just one of these is ready to be addressed so you can start healing it and stop overworking.

Instead of Overworking…

1. Have your WHY to STOP working defined.

As a high performer, if you don’t have anything else to do, your default is work. I hear this ALL the time. While you enjoy getting things done and you love your work, you are absolutely here for more than your work.

What to do: Define your WHY. To play, to spend time with loved ones, to take care of your body, to learn a new hobby – your why for life outside of work has to be more important than your why for overworking. Make your why something you want to do, something that seems fun or exciting. Find a new hobby that’s exciting for you – something that you’re not going to want to work through.

2. RECHARGE so you don’t burn out.

You aren’t a machine. Even if you love your work, you’re still spending over 100% of your energy there each day, that means you start the next day out with less than 100% energy. This continues on and on.

So many of my clients come to me exhausted and overwhelmed – putting work and other family committments ahead of their own needs. This is not sustainable and a fast path to burnout.

What to do: Block time on your schedule for you to play and recharge, to enjoy this life you’ve been so busy creating. Activities that recharge you are considered self-care. These are activities that give your body and mind more energy: getting enough sleep, taking a nap, eating lunch, eating foods that support your body, getting a massage or facial, exercising, being out in nature, etc.

3. Make your relationships a priority.

Who nags you and tells you to stop working? They’re telling you this is a problem, listen. So many clients have complained to me about their partners nagging them. Do NOT ignore this or brush it off. They are communicating to you and asking you for a change. Make it!

What to do: Block out time in your schedule to spend with them UNITERRUPTED. Spend time with people that give you energy, that do fun things with you and make you happy. Enjoy this time with your loved ones and the memories you’ll make together.

4. You’re here for more than your work.

No one says on their deathbed, I’m so glad I overworked. Instead they talk about what they missed out on by working so much. Don’t do that to yourself.

What to do: be as passionate about your life outside of work as you are about your career. Schedule the things on your big to do list so you actually do them. Celebrate your wins and success. Love your life – you’re so busy creating it, be just as busy LOVING it.

You’re only paid to work so many hours. Work those hours and then STOP.

End of Workday Routine to STOP Overworking

How do you create closure to your workday in a way that stops overworking and thinking about work?

By having an end of the the workday routine. This will help you create closure around your workday AND help you stop thinking about work.

Look at your calendar for today. Anything you didn’t complete, move to another day and STOP thinking about it. It’s on your calendar, it’ll get done.

Look at your calendar for tomorrow. Any changes? Anything to add? Now you don’t have to think about your workday tomorrow. You know what’s on your schedule, you’ve adjusted it, let it go.
Say, “My work day is done. I did what I could. Today’s work is complete. Everything else will get done at the perfect time. I am off and now I recharge.”

Let go of work. Let go of work as you drive home. And if you work from home or once you get home from work, go for a short walk. Change the scenery so you can shift your energy. Be intentional in letting go of all your work stress so you don’t carry it over into your personal time.

As you move into your life time of your work/life balance, what do you want to do with the rest of the day? How do you want to spend your time? Exercise, meet someone for dinner, play, do something fun, or read a book. Really, there is no limit to what you can do here as long as it isn’t work related.

Sustainable work-life balance is KEY to create a life that you LOVE. Remember, no matter how much you love your work, you’re still here for more than your work.

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

It feels like your world is falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it or fix it.

You’ve lost control. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what your life will look like. You may even feel like you’re losing a part of your identity.

How did I get here?

How do I fix this right now and get back to normal?

Your instinct is to try to put it all back together again as quickly as possible and exactly as it was – but that doesn’t work. It’s still falling apart. You feel lost, hopeless and have no idea what to do.

It feels like everything is stopped – frozen. Time is going by slowly. You don’t know what to do… and you just want to put it back together again. The way it was wasn’t so bad after all…except that it really was if you’re being honest with yourself.

Why Things Fall Apart

While your life may appear to be just fine, underneath it all, you know that you aren’t happy. You haven’t been happy for awhile but you kept doing the same thing hoping for a new result. But it doesn’t work that way, you keep having the same experience instead.

It’s not working as it is, even if it APPEARS to be. The job. The significant other. The volunteering. Your life is off and while it may seem like it’s falling apart, I like to look at it as falling into something new, something better, even if you can’t see that possibility right now.

Let’s clear this up – if it was working, it wouldn’t fall apart. While it may be difficult to see in the moment, things fall apart so you can step into the new.

The way that things are in your life aren’t right for you anymore and the ONLY way you were going to make a change was if you had to. By everything falling apart, it forces you make the changes you’ve been ignoring, dreading or were unsure how to do. And know this – all is well, even if it doesn’t appear to be in the moment, it is!

What to Do

Flowing through this big change really is KEY. Your routine, goals, plans and certainty is all off.

It’s time for you to do the inner work. Heal the things it is time to heal and refill those areas (like your chest and stomach) with positive energy. Surrender the fear of the unknown.
Create new, supportive routines. Often you are stuck in routines just because that’s what you were taught to do, but do routines that are actually SUPPORTING you.
Get clarity. What is it you would like to do and who would you like to spend time with. Define what success actually means to you, not your family and start creating YOUR success.
Spend time out in nature. Go for a walk, a swim, take your shoes off and connect with nature. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts your energy and helps you connect with your intuition.
Trust that EVERYTHING will work out in the best way possible. You are supported! And if you don’t feel supported, hire support for this transition.

Create a Life You Love

Use this shake up to get more focused on loving your life and get less focused on the goals and hustle.

Do more things that bring you happiness and joy.
Spend time with people that lift you up – and that you lift up as well.
Make self-care a priority.
Redefine what success means to YOU. When your plan changes, make a new plan!!

My clients come to me when everything is falling apart and they’re at their breaking point. I’ve helped them through relationship break ups and divorces after 10 to 25 years together and have them dating again. I’ve worked with successful women that were stuck in hustling and being everything to everyone and making under 6 figures to making mid 6 figures and actually enjoying this life they’ve created.

Things fall apart for a reason. You may not know what that reason is at this moment, but at some point you will and it will all make sense. What is it time for you to do differently in your life?

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. If you are going through change, I highly recommend “Energy Balance: My Guide to Transformations”.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach successful women at or near their breaking point to reset. Get your head, energy and life on point. Let’s get back to that freedom lifestyle you originally envisioned! Reset.

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

“If I ignore it, it’ll go away.”

“I don’t have the time to deal with this.”

“I don’t know what to do about ____, so I’ll just wait and see what happens.”

None of these statements will make your problems disappear. Problems don’t just disappear – they grow.

The stories I have heard as a Spiritual Medium through the years! Something so little can quickly destroy a marriage, a partner, a work or family connection and irreparably burn bridges and it’s often completely preventable!!!

Unfortunately they often take on a life of their own and end up being way bigger than they started. The answer isn’t ignoring them – unless you want a much bigger and often unrelated problem later. The answer is ADDRESSING the problem as quickly as possible – even if you are a drama avoider.

Your focus should be on love and getting more love back into the relationship. It boils down to communication. You must communicate with the other person and listen to them. Communication is KEY and it’s the only way you will find a solution.

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Listen and understand. This doesn’t mean you agree with their side, but to have a common ground, you have to understand where they are coming from just as they should understand where you are coming from. Listen to listen. Don’t just sit there thinking about what you want to say or how wrong they are. Find a common ground.
Pay attention. Most people do not like confrontation and will do whatever they can to avoid it. If someone is coming to you with a problem, give it your undivided attention now and I promise you, it won’t get to be a bigger problem later. A lot of my clients do NOT like confrontation. But ignoring a problem will inevitably bring you drama and more problems. Instead, address it and move forward as quickly as possible.
Speak clearly. Do not tell them what they want to hear to just make this go away. Say what you mean to say and do what you say you will do. “I feel ___”, is the most powerful statement you can give someone to help them understand where you are coming from. It’s not facts, it’s how you feel and it has to be acknowledged and addressed. People do not want to be guessing how you feel or what you’re struggling with. When you communicate real solutions, everyone is happier.
Be aware of your triggers. Whenever there are relationship problems, it’s always easiest to point your finger at someone else – but this doesn’t fix, change or solve anything. Notice what you are bringing to the conversation and is it elevating the relationship or bringing it down? It is your job and responsibility to energetically be aware of what you are holding onto and why as this affects your relationships.
Make a plan. The problem will not go away if you keep doing the same things repeatedly. Make a plan that you both agree to (compromise will likely be involved) and hold each other lovingly to your agreement. The goal is to move forward, not stay stuck in the past.
Focus on the problem at hand. Not every problem you’ve had over the decades – each problem is addressed individually, a solution is found, and you both move forward. You only bring it up again if they aren’t doing what they committed to doing and make sure you are committed to your promises. Do not keep bringing up the same problem, especially when they bring a problem to you. This shows that you are staying stuck in the past and not willing to move forward with them.

Your relationship goal is to be happy! Not angry, bitter or scheming ways to punish the other person. That makes everyone miserable and creates more problems. Let’s get back to love, peace and happiness in your relationships.

The only way to go forwards is to stop looking backwards. Work together and stop fighting each other. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

What’s your STORY?

The one you tell yourself on REPEAT that holds you back and keeps you from truly loving your life?

Perhaps it’s, “I’ll be happy after I crush this next goal.” Or, “My relationships don’t last because they keep ________.” Or, “I want to do fun things but I don’t have the time.”

Your story is an old pattern that you PULL into your life, usually when things are going well. It gives you permission to self-sabotage and pull yourself out of the abundance you are receiving. And it keeps you from loving this amazing life you’ve been so busy creating.

This old story doesn’t have to guide you anymore – unless you like being stuck and frustrated that nothing is changing – you have the power to create a new story.

How to Rewrite Your Story

You can’t create a new result with the old story. You have to let the old story go and write a new one and when something comes up where you’d tell yourself the old story, you have to tell yourself your new story instead.

What is your story?
What happens when you tell yourself this story?
What would you like to happen instead?

When things are going well and you start to fall into old patterns and start to self-sabotage:

STOP immediately. Catch yourself in the pattern and release it by saying, “I’m not doing this anymore.” Let the past go. You can take what you learned from the experience WITHOUT carrying the energy of the experience.
Focus on what is working well and be truly grateful for the amazing experiences that are happening in your life right now – like the thing you were just trying to self-sabotage. Being grateful brings you into the present moment and this is where your power is. Right here, right now!
Shift the energy that is creating your experiences. Create an energy practice to help you reduce your stress and have more balance. Energy affects everything. The better place you are in energetically, the less likely this old story will appear.
Rewrite your NEW story. When that old story appears, this is what you do:

Appreciate your experience, everything happens for a reason:

When __________happened, it was a journey for me to ____________. I am grateful for this experience. I let it go and I am free. Now I will only tell my NEW version of the story.

My NEW story is:

Because of ____________ (my experience) it allowed me to ___________ (grow, stand in my power, express myself, etc.). I am stronger because of this experience and now I can _______ (what good came to you because of your experience).

I am____________.

Going forward, focus on the positive from the experience. What you learned, what skills you now take with you, and how you are a better person because of this. If any negativity comes up, you have more clearing and letting go to do until you can tell the story without falling back onto the pain, hurt, etc.

Lisa's live event in March 2021. Clients wrote what they're grateful for from their experiences.

What new story will you write today?

Just because you’ve been following an old story doesn’t mean it is the right story for you anymore. You can shift and create a new story for any scenario in your life at any time. All you have to do is be ready!

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

Relationships endings can be devastating. From an energy standpoint, you may find yourself holding onto anger, hurt, frustration and sadness.

And the worst part? A relationship ending makes you stop because it affects EVERYTHING! Often it puts you into a stuck and holding pattern, which is when most of my clients come to work with me.

They say time heals all things, but it doesn’t heal anything that you don’t DEAL with. Usually when a relationship ends, you blame the other person for all the shortfalls and things that went wrong. While you may be able to do that with one relationship – once it happens again or seems to be a pattern, the responsibility to fix the patterns in your relationships falls 100% onto you since you are the one creating them.

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

The first thing I help my clients with before JUMPING into another relationship is to get objective and figure out your patterns.

While it is easier to keep blaming others for the relationship fails, nothing will change until you recognize what you keep creating in your relationships and how it affects your partners and your relationship with them.

The inner work here is:

Looking at your parent’s marriage. What similarities do you notice in your relationships? What isn’t working anymore for you?
How does your family talk to you? How do they treat you? What is similar with your partners?
What did people tell you as a child? You are too ____. You always do ____. You can’t ___. How do you talk to yourself because of this? What do you hear your partner saying to you that is similar?
How do you treat yourself? What similarities did you notice in your intimate relationships? If you think you aren’t worthy, your partner won’t either.

One of my clients has a mother who is always manipulating the situation and telling her one thing and everyone else something else about her. So of course, she married a man who did the same thing. Because of these two relationships, my client struggles with feeling that people don’t believe her.

She feels like she is constantly battling the lies her family, ex and his family tell. He had an affair and when she went back to their home state, the rumor mill was saying she had the affair! Because of the work we are doing together, she was able to see what was happening, stand in her power and respond in a different way – one where she was able to speak her truth and smash the lies. But in order to do that, she had to get objective and recognize her long, outdated patterns.

You have to change the patterns or you will keep getting the same results in your relationships.

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

Time DOES NOT heal all things! I cannot stress this enough. Ignoring your pain and tucking it away to deal with later (aka never) does not make it go away. It just leaves it there to resurface in future relationships as triggers and old stories that keep you stuck.

The passing of time may make it so that you don’t cry as much or get as angry when you talk about it anymore, but the energy remains until you actually CLEAR it out.

You are carrying hurts and pains from relationships in other life experiences, from your childhood and past relationships. I guarantee it. I haven’t met a person yet that was left unscathed because you are taught to get distracted with work, another relationship or keep yourself busy. None of this allows you to process, adjust and move forward freely.

I have a client that kept going back to her childhood and how her family treated her as the reason she was putting herself last in her relationships. She didn’t feel worthy. But instead of actually healing it, she would say, “This makes me want to cry.” And she would stop there, not do anything to clear it, get teary eyed and literally freeze in that memory. Then she would energetically store all that sadness and worthlessness into her chest and NOTHING was changing. This kept her from moving forward because every time she said that, she got stuck in the moment as a child and nothing changed in her relationships. She was stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling worthless that we had to break by changing her pattern and clearing the energy she was holding onto for decades.

From an energy standpoint, you will carry the energy until you HEAL it, however long that takes.

While you may not have control over what the other person does, you do have control over what you are carrying and holding onto and you can let it go. Here is a simple but powerful practice I teach my clients to help them clear their energy.

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

NO ONE goes into a relationship whole and perfect. You go into relationships to HEAL the things it is time to heal or to support each other with the things you agreed to support each other with before you were born.

You want to stop and change:

Old patterns that make you feel awful. Catch yourself in the moment and do something different. That will get you a different result. Clear out the energy that keeps you operating in those self-destructive patterns.
Drama – you either add to it, run away from it, or try to be a peace keeper. Be aware of how you respond to drama, what it does to your relationships and make the necessary changes.
Communication problems – remember, your partner is NOT a mind reader. Clearly communicate your needs, expectations and boundaries.
Being focused on ONLY your needs. Relationships really are a give and take experience with the exception being on your non-negotiables (no cheating, no drugs, etc.) Compromising and meeting each other in the middle is key.

One of my clients has a habit of falling apart around her birthday. This shows up in her relationships with anger and frustration. She sent her (new at the time) boyfriend a break up text last year on her birthday with all of her demands listed and no discussion – it was simply the end of their relationship. It was the first he had heard of the expectations in the break up text. They did eventually get back together with boundaries and new guidelines for their relationship. This year, those patterns are resurfacing but they are less extreme.

This year she recognizes her birthday patterns. She is now able to stop herself from acting on the self-destructing patterns. She schedules in more self-care, time for energy work and is realizing that everything she seeks really does come from within.

Recognize the old patterns, the ones that make you self-sabotage and self-destruct and shift them in the moment. You know what the old patterns will do, instead it’s time to try something new to get a new result.

I have helped countless women heal past relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL for the experience. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!

Heal the past and make room for healthy, positive experiences in your relationships. It really is a game changer!

Want more relationship support? My book, “Energy Awareness: My Guide to Balanced Relationships” will help you become aware of the energy exchanges in your relationships and balance them.

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

A Spiritual Medium’s Guide: How to BREAK FREE from a Long Term Relationship

Leaving a long-term relationship is not easy. It’s not something you do lightly.

You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You cry all the time. You feel like you’re letting them down. You’re letting the family down. You feel guilty for the relationship ending.

Chances are you have done everything you can think of – even things recommended to you to make this relationship WORK – not end. You’ve done the self-help books, seen a therapist, and maybe even tried some energy work, meditation and yoga. Yet here you are – at a place where you feel stuck and don’t know how to do what you have to do.

What you didn’t want to do – leave this relationship of ___ years.

It’s hard. I know, I have helped so many women through relationship endings I can’t even give you a number. I have heard all the reasons that make it hard:

You don’t want to start over.
You don’t know what to do next or what the future looks like.
You have responsibilities.
You don’t want to lose your money or retirement.
This ending makes you feel like a failure (but remember, relationships take 2 active participants!)

Usually you will hit your breaking point – a point where you have done all you can and it is time to move on in your relationship with your spouse or partner of __ years.

Most relationships do not last a lifetime. They have a season. When that season is getting ready to end on a relationship, it can throw you into a tailspin and leave you feeling stuck and completely out of balance. Sometimes for decades but it doesn’t have to be that way.

How You Get Stuck

Even if the relationship is bad for you and you know it’s no longer a fit, it is hard to move on for many reasons:

You are emotionally attached to your relationship.

You’ve been together for __ years. Even if you leave, you find yourself emotionally stuck, recreating the exact same relationship with someone else or so hurt from the experience that you cling onto it years, even decades later.

My client’s have left relationships after 10 years and 20 years and they didn’t think they could do it even though they wanted to and now they are LOVING their lives. They are doing things they love, they’re starting to date and they are so happy they left. They cannot believe the transformation. The longer you prolong the inevitable you keep yourself from living a life you will love.

It’s familiar.

Even though it’s broken, it’s safe. You know EXACTLY what to expect.

You know the patterns, the routines and you have hoped for so long that something would change and it would get better. Even if the relationship was emotionally abusive, it’s familiar.

It’s a vicious cycle. Even when you leave, you still hope for a change in the other person that doesn’t come. If they haven’t changed, they aren’t going to. No one changes until they are READY and chances are they aren’t changing anytime soon.

You’re afraid.

There are so many fears – being alone, the financial implications, moving, boundaries, the unknown, what will this person think, how will this affect ___.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from clients, “I don’t want to give them my money.” This statement will REALLY hold you back for years and then health issues will start to appear. I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve helped clients realize that the more money they make, the more they can truly live the life they envisioned. Don’t focus on them. Focus on YOU and YOU being FREE!

Or “I take care of them, what will they do?” They are an adult. I promise you, they will figure it out. Taking care of them is what their parents did, not your responsibility as a partner. They will eat, get their laundry done, they will figure it out like the adult that they are.

Change is hard.

This is going to be a big change and you probably don’t like change but remember, life is a series of changes from the moment you are born. Nothing freezes in time. Change is all around you.

Even when you say you like changes, you don’t mean changes like this. You mean starting a new job. Buying a new car. Buying a new house. Fun changes.

I had a client that loved changes, she told me all the time until she left her husband. Then change was hard and she hated it. But luckily they both worked with me through the relationship transition and they’ve both moved on to create new lives that they love. He even went off to have the baby he always wanted and he’s engaged.

Change happens to help you create something NEW. I wrote a whole book on change with exercises to support you and keep you moving forward. Remember what’s harder than change, staying where you are. It can stifle you.

Eventually you will reach a point where it is harder for you to stay than it is for you to go.

And this is the moment you are ready and where I have decades of experience with clients using my intuitive abilities as a Spiritual Medium and I can support you in creating a life you LOVE again.

How to Transition OUT of Your Relationship

You have to be READY. Ready for help. Ready to leave. Ready for new and exciting possibilities.

You have to actually LEAVE. Wanting to leave and talking about leaving are not the same as actually leaving. If you are afraid to leave or are unsure what to do, get help. Especially in abusive situations, having support is key.

Drama is not the answer!! I see this ALL the time. Drama will hold you connected to this person energetically in this life and others (karma) and it will keep you from moving forward, being free and bringing in new opportunities. Remain as calm, peaceful and objective as possible.

The moment you are ready, you can dissolve the relationship and both of you can get back to creating a new life. One that you will both love.

Here’s what I teach my clients to do in the relationship:

Stand in your power When you stand in your power, you will feel better and create a life that you love. This is especially important for my clients that have left emotionally abusive relationships. Handing over your power leaves you helpless and out of control but once you recognize the patterns and start to stand in your power, you will love your life again.
Break the patterns. If you don’t break the patterns, you will keep creating the same situations with different people. The goal is to stop doing what got you into this situation and not recreate it ever again with another partner. Otherwise, there really is no point in leaving. Break the patterns!
Drawing and enforcing boundaries are key. They tell people what is okay and what isn’t. If you don’t draw boundaries, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind. Boundaries aren’t bad and they don’t make you mean. They are necessary and help you stand in your power. Boundaries have been a game changer for my clients.
Energy work is vital to helping you stay in balance and in a good space energetically. The practice I teach all my clients is easy, has amazing results and doesn’t take a lot of time.
Start living a life that you LOVE. Remember that vision you had for yourself? It’s time to start taking steps towards that vision. You have that vision for a reason. Step into it and let go of the past. Learn from the past, don’t live in the past.
Create new, fulfilling relationships. Don’t sit at home alone with a bottle of wine, that will make you depressed. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and you lift up as well. Also, say goodbye to any other relationships that are no longer a fit, this is common when a relationship comes to an end. As you change, your friends change.

While a relationship coming to an end may seem like a failure, it’s not. Everything happens when and as it should. Remember, you tried EVERYTHING you could to make it work.

It’s the beginning of something new. You did the best you could, with what you had at the time. Stop judgement. Stop any blame. Be accountable and keep moving forward.

When you have tried everything you could to fix it all but no matter what you do, you feel it is time to END the relationship it’s important to not only free yourself, but them as well.

I have helped countless women end relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL they left. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!

I am free. You are free. We are both free.

Move forward on your new path, heal your triggers and live a life you LOVE.

Here’s a 5 minute guided meditation I created to help you calm and balance your energy at any time of the day!

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach career driven women at or near their breaking point to reset.

Get your head, energy and life on point. Let’s get back to that freedom lifestyle you originally envisioned! Reset.

Healing Generational Patterns with a Spiritual Medium

Generational patterns run DEEP in your family just like disease processes do. What runs in your family is passed down to you but you have the power to change these patterns.

You live by these patterns often without realizing or questioning them. They are engrained into your energy.

As a Spiritual Medium, I work with Generational Patterns often and they guide all areas of your life.

Generational Patterns shape and define your:

Relationships
Abundance
Time
Energy
Mindset

You will find yourself doing the things your parents did, your grandparents and so on until you start to recognize the pattern, stop it and create a new one. Just because they’ve been handed down to you, doesn’t mean they have to continue to have power over you.

What Are Generational Patterns?

Generational Patterns are most often energy patterns that are passed down to you through your biological family and they are strong patterns.

You can also pick up on Generational Patterns from those you are around a lot as a child like your care givers, role models, adopted parents, etc.

Generational Patterns are stored energetically in a specific area of your body. It imprints into your energy and continues through the generations until you stop it and heal it in your body.

They show up in how you take risks or don’t, how you take care of your body or don’t, your abundance beliefs, your intimate partner experiences, how you spend your time, etc. Look at how you spend money, who else in your family spends it the same way? It’s a Generational Pattern.

Healing it in your body doesn’t heal it in your ancestors. They have to do the work to break these patterns in their life. But when you shift it in your life, it will affect your future generations because you changed the pattern.

Discovering Your Generational Patterns

These patterns are not only in your energy but they are taught to you at a young age often by the people who passed the energy on.

Let’s go back to your childhood. What is your EARLIEST memory about:

How relationships are? How to be treated in a relationship?
MONEY. What is your earliest belief about money? Your earliest belief spending money?
How to spend time? Constantly on the go? Put things off to the last minute?
What were you taught about energy? How to spend your energy?

Now look at how these patterns are STILL showing up in your life today! Are they working? Usually they aren’t because they aren’t yours.

Breaking Free from Your Generational Patterns

You have the power to live, create and shift your life in every moment. That includes changing the Generational Patterns in your life.

Are you ready to BREAK free from your Generational Patterns that are no longer serving you?

Get objective – notice they are there and how they are guiding your life and other family members.
Shift in your pivotal moment – recognize you are following the Generational Pattern. Stop going into the actions and energy of the pattern and shift in that moment.
Do what you would like to do instead of what you were just routinely going to do.
Create a daily energy work practice to help you clear your energy.

Just because something has been a pattern for decades for you and longer for your family, doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it when it no longer supports you. You have the power to create a life you love in every moment.

Here’s a 5 minute guided meditation I did to help you calm and balance your energy at any time of the day!

Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.

Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach career driven women at or near their breaking point to reset.

Get your head, energy and life on point. Let’s get back to that freedom lifestyle you originally envisioned! Reset.

Categories

Tag: #selfhelp

3 Tips to KEEP Your High Performers Engaged

The Top 4 Stressors in the Workplace & What to DO

How to STOP & Reduce Your Work Stress

How to: Turn Off Work & STOP Thinking About it

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

Why Things Fall Apart

What to Do

Create a Life You Love

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

How to Rewrite Your Story

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

A Spiritual Medium’s Guide: How to BREAK FREE from a Long Term Relationship

How You Get Stuck

You are emotionally attached to your relationship.

It’s familiar.

You’re afraid.

Change is hard.

How to Transition OUT of Your Relationship

Healing Generational Patterns with a Spiritual Medium

What Are Generational Patterns?

Discovering Your Generational Patterns

Breaking Free from Your Generational Patterns

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