#abundance

#1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Are boundaries a scary thing for you to set in your relationships?

Boundaries have a negative connotation for many people. So instead of setting a boundary, they will ignore the problem. But what happens when you ignore your relationship problems?

They grow and you continue to get more and more frustrated. They become the big elephant in the room that everyone can see but no one talks about. This is a problem that does not magically go away on it’s own. Remember, unresolved relationship problems will continue to grow, they need to have an intervention.

As a Spiritual Medium, one of the fastest things I watch pull you out of balance is relationship problems. They affect so many areas of your life so quickly and leave you spinning. Literally.

Relationship problems affect your whole life but you’ll most likely notice them affecting your stress levels, how much sleep you’ll get and how much or how little you’ll eat. They can even affect your performance level at work and make you moody around those that are trying to support you. You don’t want your relationship problems running away from you and you can solve this with healthy boundaries.

What is the purpose of a relationship boundary?

Boundaries protect your energy and your relationships.

Boundaries let others know what is okay and what is not okay with you. Here’s the thing about boundaries, what is not okay for you may be okay for someone else and vice versa. But no one knows this unless it’s verbally communicated. Boundaries are not set in stone across all of your relationships. They are different with different people.

It is very important that you tell – out loud – not just in your head, what your specific boundaries are with the people in your life.

If you feel like you are being pushy or aggressive, I’m going to bet that it’s because drawing boundaries is unfamiliar to you.

There is NOTHING wrong with telling people what is okay and what isn’t okay for you. Again, if you don’t tell them, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind and they’re not good with hints. They need you to be very specific and very clear with what’s good for you and what’s not.

If you set a boundary with someone and they ignore it or make fun of you for it, that’s your red flag that it’s time to re-examine your relationship with this person.

The Golden Rule– do onto others as you want done onto you – applies well here. Not only do you want to let others know what your boundaries are, you also want to know what their boundaries are.

What is the #1 Secret to Setting Healthy Boundaries?

The first step is to SET the boundary. The secret to setting a healthy boundary is that you have to ENFORCE them. All of them.

It is completely pointless to set a boundary and then not enforce it. At that point, it’s like you didn’t even set a boundary.

This is where I see most people fall apart is at enforcing the boundary and that’s why this is the #1 secret to setting a healthy boundary.

Let’s use the example of a child in the candy store. You tell the child they can have 1 piece of candy…and for some kids, setting this boundary is going to be a big challenge, but you set it anyhow for whatever the reason. Reminder – you can tell the reason for the boundary as long as it doesn’t come across as a justification for the boundary. Justifying your boundaries weakens them to the receiver.

The kid comes back to you with a bag full of candy. This is your telling moment. Do you ignore your boundary of one piece of candy or do you enforce it?

If you enforce the boundary and say to the child, “Wow, you found so many great choices. But how many pieces of candy are you going to get right now? One. One piece of candy, so let’s pick out the one you want the most and let’s put the others back.”

The child knows that you set the boundary and you meant it. If the child ignores your boundary and tries to have a temper tantrum for only getting one piece, you have to decide what to do to keep enforcing your boundary. Personally, I know as a child I would have gotten NO candy and I’m sure many of you can relate. Because if I kept pushing the boundary, then there was no reward for breaking the boundary.

But if you let the child get the whole bag of candy because you don’t really care or even worse, you don’t want to create a scene, they’re not going to listen to you when you set boundaries around the things that are really important. Like being honest and respectful with you.

Here’s the thing about boundaries, if you aren’t going to enforce it, DO NOT waste your time setting it. Don’t. You create more problems for yourself and the people in your life will have no idea what you actually want.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary. Let that sink in.

When you set a boundary and don’t enforce it, you didn’t set a boundary.

You also set a precedent that you don’t mean what you say. Then this quickly becomes a very confusing game of do they mean this one or do they not.

Do you see why the secret to setting a healthy boundary is enforcing the boundary?

No one likes to be confused.

The more clear you are with your boundary setting and enforcing, the smoother things will go in your relationships.

What to Do When they Ignore My Boundary Enforcing?

Sometimes you will come across a person that hears your boundary and they continue to ignore you when you enforce your boundary.

What do you do in this scenario?

This is one of the most asked questions I get about enforcing boundaries – what do I do if they ignore me enforcing the boundary?

The answer is it depends on who this person is, what the situation is and what you want to do.

Boundaries are set to tell people what’s okay and what’s not. So if they’re ignoring the boundary and you are enforcing the boundary, it tells me more about them and the type of person they are.

If someone cares about you and you set a boundary with them, they should honor it. They want to be a part of your life and not do anything intentionally to upset you. That’s what people that really care about you want to do. They don’t want to cause drama and rock the boat to intentionally trigger you.

Boundaries are the hardest to set with family members.

Family knows you better than anyone else and sometimes they have a pattern of knocking you down and picking on you until you crumble. This isn’t okay by the way, it isn’t ok for anyone to treat you in a way that hurts you. It’s just more often than not, the people I hear struggle the most when you stand in your power and set a boundary is a family member who is used to having power over you.

Family dynamics are the hardest. Don’t you just love those family patterns, especially the generational ones! And this is followed by partners that you are in an unhappy relationship with.

Typically the most unhealthy relationships you have are often the ones that struggle with a boundary. If they’ve been able to do whatever they’ve wanted for as long as they’ve known you, they don’t usually want to change that. They want to do what they know, whether it’s healthy or not.

This gives you an opportunity to decide how to handle this:

Do you need to create more space in this relationship? And if you go this route, make sure you communicate with them that the problem is them ignoring the boundaries you have set. If you leave a relationship without saying why, it creates more problems and karma for the two of you to deal with later and I promise you, it’s so much easier to do it now.
Is this relationship still a fit for you? Is this someone you still want to have in your life. Why and why not? Get really objective and make a list and decide if this relationship was for a reason or a season and it’s time is up.
Do you need to sit down and talk to them? It is very possible that no one has drawn a boundary with them before and they don’t know how to respond. They may feel controlled. They may have been the kid that was allowed to get one piece of candy at the candy store but got the whole bag.

Remember:

Boundaries tell others what is okay and not okay in your relationships together. They’re good and you should be using them in all of your relationships.

The #1 secret to setting healthy boundaries is to enforce the boundary. While it is harder to enforce the boundary than to set it, when you enforce a boundary and the other person respects it, it elevates the relationship.

If someone ignores your boundary and you enforcing the boundary, it’s time for you to re-evaluate your relationship and interactions with this person going forward.

Who are you going to start enforcing boundaries with in your life? It’s time!

Now that you know the #1 secret to healthy boundaries, I hope you create more balance in your relationships.

Am I an Empath? What is an Empath & How it Affects You

I feel everything. I am highly sensitive and the people I’m around drain me. Am I an Empath?

This is a very popular question.

Claiming to be an empath right now seems to give you permission to get stuck in exhaustion and overwhelm by picking up on everyone’s energy without any support or boundaries – but it doesn’t have to be that way.

As a Spiritual Medium, I personally feel the energy of the people around me as if it’s my own energy. It allows me to balance and align your energy BUT I’m always on. I have to be able to function in society and so do you.

If I’m always on and have found a way to stop absorbing all the energies of everyone and everything around me – so can you.

If you’re busy absorbing and feeling all the feels of everyone around you – then you don’t have the energy to make yourself a priority and this video is for you.

First of all, YES. You are an empath. Every single person is an empath. Some people are just more open than others. Some people have shut off their empathic abilities because they were too overwhelming to deal with or because of something that has happened and they don’t want to feel it all anymore.

Now that you know that you ARE an empath, What is an empath?

The definition of an empath from Oxford Languages is: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

An empath has the intuitive ability to pick up on the energy of others that are around you. You’ll know how they’re feeling, what energy they’re giving off and if you want to be around them or not. Every living thing on the Earth gives off energy and as humans, you have the ability to read that energy.

The best examples of being an empath are when you can meet someone and know if you like them or not. You can walk into a room of strangers and know who you want to sit with and who you don’t. You can look at someone and know if they’re in a good space or if they’re in a bad space.

You are an energetic being reading the energy around you. But just because you can read it doesn’t mean you have to take it on. You can just read it.

As an empath, You do not have to personally take on all the energy and let it affect you.

Remember this – you are made up of energy. And because you are made up of energy, you are able to read the energy of every living thing and the energy every living thing has given off. Even though you can read the energy, that doesn’t mean you have to do anything with the energy.

As you know, I’m a Spiritual Medium and I LIVE in energy all day, everyday. I have no off switch. Everywhere I go, I’m able to read people’s energy, their past lives, their fears, patterns, beliefs and so much more and I’ve been doing this my whole entire life. I know that what I experience is even more heightened than most people but you won’t ever see me ever walking around saying, “Oh my gosh, I’m so exhausted I’m an empath and I take on all the energy around me.”

I learned a long time ago that just because I can read someone’s energy, doesn’t mean I should. Especially if I’m not working with them and I don’t have their permission to help them. Most people don’t want to be helped. They want to be as they are, even if they’re complaining.

I realized decades ago that if I take on someone else’s energy, I just doubled the energy.Let that sink in. When have you picked up on someone’s energy and still had it after seeing them?

If you take on someone else’s energy, you’re carrying that weight for them. You took on their energy. They will get out of your energy by leaving your space and they’ll actually look around for their baggage – the stuff you just picked up from them to “help them out”. They’ll realize something is missing and they want their baggage back. It’s theirs. It’s like a comfy sweater to them – until it’s not and they’re ready to let it go. The moment they put their baggage back on, the energy has now DOUBLED. You have it and they have it.

How did the energy double?

This is really important for you to be aware of.

When they took their energy back, you were still carrying it. You took it on as your own to “help” them without their permission. You didn’t consciously give the energy back to them. Most likely, you didn’t do a thing with the energy except pick it up and carry it and now you’re just feeling the weight of it. So in that moment, the energy doubled. You made a conscious choice to hold the energy for them for whatever reason. They wanted it back so they pulled the energy back to them instantly. Instantly. But you’re not aware of this and so you’re also still holding it because you made a decision to carry that energy for them.

Now, both of you are carrying this energy unconsciously. They’re fine with the weight of the energy they’re carrying but you’re not. You struggle carrying it because it isn’t yours. You have your own weight that you carry, that you think of as your own comfy sweater. From an energy standpoint, your baggage is your sweater and the baggage you just took on from someone else is a backpack that sits on top of your sweater.

It’s too much. You will feel the weight of the energy. It will lead you to feeling overwhelmed, exhausted and stuck. And this is an example of your encounter with just one person.

Imagine going into Costco the week of a major holiday and all the backpacks you carry unintentionally. Or think about the energy you’d pick up after a day at an amusement park or a crowded venue. It’s too much. You cannot keep picking up other people’s baggage. It doesn’t serve you. It actually slows you down and holds you back.

You can READ the energy without picking up and carrying the energy. You can notice that they feel off, sad or that they’re struggling. Most people are struggling and that’s ok. That is what they are choosing to do and until they choose to do something differently, you cannot help them.

Being an empath does not mean you have to be exhausted. It means that you have to be consciously aware of the energy you are allowing into your energy space. You have to be picky. You can’t just allow any energy into your space and if you do, you have to know how to not let it affect you.

Being an empath is not new.

What is new is talking about energy and that you can pick up on or read someone else’s energy.

Yes you are an empath. You have the ability to sense energy. Everybody does. What’s important is are you picking up everyone’s energy just because you can? When you do this, you want to ask yourself, why are you allowing your energy to get entangled and pulled down with the energy around you. Remember – this does not support you or help them. It hurts you.

Start paying attention to what you’re allowing into your energy space.

I cannot tell you how many people come up to me telling me they are exhausted and overwhelmed from everyone else’s energy. But what this tells me is that you need boundaries around HOW you’re using your energy.

Here are some good boundaries for you going forward:

1. You can read other’s energy and not do anything with it. It isn’t yours to handle anyhow.

2. If someone doesn’t ask you for help, they probably don’t want help. If you offer to help someone and they don’t want it, that’s fine. Respect that they don’t need help and you can let them be in their experience as they would like to be.

3. Do NOT carry other people’s energy. It doesn’t help them and it hurts you. It doubles the energy and you don’t want to double negative energy anymore.

Focusing on other people’s energy is a distraction for you. It keeps you from having the time and energy to do the things you really want to do.

How do you KNOW if you are taking on someone else’s energy?

The key is to catch it in the moment. To feel yourself FEELING their energy. It will lower your energy vibration. It’s like using any of your devices, when you start to drain the device, the energy will lower. The same is true for you.

Instead of saying I’m an empath, I feel all the feels and it’s exhausting. Know that you can be an empath and be grounded and balanced no matter what is happening around you. You can be better at your work and relationships because you can tell that someone is off or in a good place. You can read the energy without having to do anything with the energy. This will allow you to stay focused on what you need to do.

I hope you will listen to the tips I gave you in this to help you reclaim your energy as an empath. You can watch this on video here if you’d like.

Together ALL the Time Now? 8 Tips to Create a Happy Home Environment

You’ve been together more than ever before in your relationship. The access to all your usual activities has been altered which means you’ve been stuck at home together and you’re noticing all the problems. Has the house gotten smaller? Have they always gotten on your nerves and pushed your buttons? What new hobbies can they take up? Or better yet, what can you do to get away? There is a new stress on your relationship that being together all the time has brought to the forefront and it’s not working.

Here’s the thing about relationship problems, they don’t disappear if you don’t FIX them. They actually grow and often spiral out of control, creating new problems that make you wonder how you even got to that point. To take the stress off your relationship, start by effectively addressing the problems together with your partner.

Communicating your problems and needs isn’t always easy, but it is harder to fix this later because it’s grown out of proportion. Most people are not mind readers. This means that you can hint, tell others in the hopes they’ll tell your partner, or criticize them and hope for a magical change but it’s not going to happen. They are not a mind reader! To create a change in your relationship, you must communicate and tell them exactly what you would like to see happening. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll see it happen.

Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:

Getting Clear – Get objective by going for a walk, doing a meditation, writing or yoga. What is at the root of the problems in your relationship right now? When did the problems start? How often are they appearing? What can you do to create a change and what can your partner do?
Creating a Space to Talk – Talking to your partner is just as important as the space you talk to your partner in. This isn’t something you want to do before bed, when they’re in the middle of something, or when there are distractions around. You may even want to let them know you’d like to talk so they can gather their talking points as well and not feel ambushed. If you both come together with solutions and willing to make changes, it’ll be a smooth conversation. Choose an environment and setting that feels safe for both of you. Pick a time that allows you ample time for the discussion where you will be uninterrupted.
Talking to Your Partner – This is the thing you don’t want to do, but this is how you take the stress off your relationship and move forward. The key to successful communication is to be clear, honest and focused on your goal of healing the relationship problems. Have specific examples of what is bothering you and specific outcomes on what they can do to alleviate the problem. There will be compromise on both sides. Commit to taking action on the things you both agree to do. Make sure to heal what has to heal in this conversation so neither of you feels they have to bring it up again.
Supporting the Changes – Make sure you create a way that you can support and hold each other accountable. It may be by reminding them that they’re doing something in the moment but because they’ve asked you to remind them, it won’t come across as nagging. Or you can make sure that you are doing the things you said you would, which will help self-motivate them to do what they committed to doing. The goal is to keep each other accountable and moving happily forward and to address it right away when either of you feel the need.
Holding Boundaries– Boundaries are important. They let each of you know what is okay and what isn’t. Your partner should know what your boundaries are and you should know theirs. If you haven’t talked about this, make sure you do. What was okay for a past relationship, may not be okay for this one – but they will only know that when you tell them what your boundaries are. Make sure you honor each other’s boundaries and communicate any problems immediately.
Having More Fun – Schedule in more date nights, self-care and spontaneity. You may try new things or schedule in more things you both enjoy. Focus on doing things that bring you joy individually and as a couple. The better place you are in energetically, the better you’ll show up in your relationship. Ask yourself, “What will bring me joy this week?” and do it!
Practicing Gratitude – How often do you thank your partner or let them know you like something they have done? What you focus on, you attract to you. Most couples focus on the things that aren’t working, but it’s a game changer to focus on the things that are working. One of the most important things you can do in your relationship is let your partner know what you are grateful for. It can be doing the dishes, doing an errand or for making steps towards the change you’ve asked them to make. “Thank you” goes a long way when it’s sincere and coming from a place of gratitude.
Staying Present – One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is that one or both of you don’t let things go. Do not hold onto past problems – heal them, solve them and let them go. Really let them go so they disappear and you have peace with that situation. In a disagreement, only talk about current problems. If you or they keep bringing up the past, it feels toxic and stuck. Focus on this moment and making the most out of it together. This moment creates your next, so if you are in a good place, you’ll keep creating good experiences.

No one wants to be around someone that is unhappy and it’s even worse when they don’t know why you’re unhappy. Being together all the time will amplify the problems you were able to escape or ignore before but they were still there. You just were focusing your energy and time on other things and this has brought them to the forefront.

If you find yourself complaining about your partner, you’re irritated by everything your partner is doing or you’re thinking about ending the relationship because of the problems you’re not discussing, that’s your sign that you really need to have a talk, right away.

Stop hiding from the stress and problems in your relationship and heal it. The only way to go forward together is to stop looking backwards. By communicating your concerns and problems you stop making bigger problems. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Your home should be your happy place. Your safe place. Let’s get it there again!

From Stressed to Thriving: Getting to the ROOT of Your Stress

What stresses you out? (You know this!)

What do you DO about it? (Typically nothing – but… you could really use a vacation to reset.) But going on vacation isn’t a change. Sometimes it’s a break from the grind, but often you’re still working on vacation or thinking about it. And when you come back from your getaway – you go right back to doing the same thing. Being stressed!

This is the problem – you know what causes you stress and you keep doing the same thing. Hopefully you don’t expect a different result because if you don’t make a change, nothing changes.

While you can justify all the stress in your life that’s negatively affecting everything, there will come a time when you can’t. Where this isn’t working anymore. It’s what I call your breaking point.

Stress leads to overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion, health problems and burn out. It hurts you and your relationships. You know this, but you have to do ____ and stress is just a part of it, right? NO!

Stress is a sign that you are pushing yourself at YOUR capacity. Your whole being feels this stress and it’s telling you something has to change. You will see the results of your stress in your relationships, eating, sleeping, your health, your actions, your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns and more.

Stress will take you down. There is no medal for struggling through each day. So why do you keep doing it? Insert – it’s familiar, I have to, I don’t know what else to do. Also insert – this isn’t working anymore. Time for something NEW.

I Don’t Like How I Feel

You’ll feel like a completely different person when you’re stressed, like something is taking over you. From an energy standpoint, that MEANS that something else has energetically taken over you. You won’t like how you feel and you’ll feel like you’re out of control.

Think of it as you saying, “I can’t do this myself.” And an energy (typically negative because you aren’t in a good space energetically when you do this) will step in and literally take over. Once you’ve given an energy permission to do that, it will easily slip in and feed on that negative energy and it becomes a pattern.

The problem is you’re not in control when another energy steps into your vibration like that. You literally hand over your keys.

What to do:

Clear the energy.
When you feel like you can’t do something, let go of that belief in that moment and say, “I am supported. Everything works out in the best way possible for everyone involved.”
Do the inner work every day, throughout the day to reduce your stress. Energy work helps you calm, balance and align your energy. It’s amazing!
Create more BALANCE in your life. The more in balance you are, the better you will feel, the less negativity you will bring into your life.

You should ALWAYS feel like you. If you don’t, you are handing your energy and power over. That doesn’t help you, that creates more problems for you and adds to unnecessary struggling. As a Spiritual Medium, I cannot stress the importance of standing in your power enough. You don’t need any more negativity in your life: I am free. I stand in my power.

How to Stop Your Stress Patterns

You know what adds to your stress, what will tip you over the edge and when you’ve pushed yourself too far. Once you’re in the stress, it’s harder to pull yourself out of it but you can’t stay in the stress for long without getting sick or an injury.

As a successful woman, the key to not getting STUCK, no matter how stressful your job or life is and to ideally catch yourself before you go into your stress patterns:

Have an inner work practice in place every day, throughout the day that helps calm, balance and align your energy
Say no to things that you don’t want to do or have to do
Create a life-work balance
Take breaks, lunches and 2 days off a week (the hustle is not sustainable)
Get plenty of sleep each night, not the bare minimum (game changer!!!)
Hire support to help you stay in balance

Remember, it is easier to keep yourself out of stress than it is to pull yourself out of it when you’re stuck in it. Your patterns are strong, you don’t even think about them – you just keep repeating them.

The key is to create a change and that’s what I help my clients do with my abilities as a Spiritual Medium. Aligning and balancing your energy helps you get on your best path each day.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. To help you destress and balance your energy, I highly recommend “In Light & Love: My Guide to Balance”.

3 Hacks to Create Work-Life Balance

How will you create a work/life balance for yourself this year?

What New Year’s resolutions did you make to work LESS and play more?

Here’s the thing I want you to remember about work – it should be something you do that easily pays your bills, it may help you have more impact and there’s an added bonus if you LOVE what you do. But work is not ALL you do.

You’re not here to work ALL the time.

You’re not going to look back on your life and EVER think, I wish I worked more. But you can always look back at any time in your life and wish you played more. That’s where this work/life balance comes in.

Most high performers have a toxic relationship with their work that goes beyond time management skills, daily habits and setting healthy boundaries.

As a Spiritual Medium and Energy Strategist, I have spent decades helping my clients create their life/work balance while still moving up the corporate ladder and adding more zeros to their income. One of my clients took a high level position and continues to get raises and promotions without even trying. How did I help her? We did the inner work by addressing why she didn’t feel worthy or enough and how that showed up at work. We also created work/life balance and it was the combination that got her to where she’s at today.

Here are my top 3 hacks to create work/life balance for you:

1. Create a Work Schedule and STICK to it

I know your plate is overfull and if you keep overworking, they’ll keep giving you more work to do. Why? Because you get it done, even if you complain about it. It’s a vicious cycle.

How many hours are you paid to work?

There’s almost always a GAP in what you’re supposed to work and how many hours you actually work. Work the number of hours you’re supposed to and then STOP working.

Also note that thinking about work is WORKING – don’t think about work outside of work hours. I had a client recently who was thinking about work while she was getting ready for work in the morning – what she had to do, solving problems, etc.

Don’t. This is your time to set your intentions for the day, to balance and align your energy so you’re working your best. If you work during your time to get ready for the day, you start your day running and it’s hard to stop that energy. Only work during your work hours. If you get an idea, jot it down to deal with during work hours.

Work only during your work hours. I’m not going to lie, it’s going to FEEL awkward at first. You overwork to prove something to someone from a long time ago. But once you stop overworking, you’ll resent it when you do and you’ll stop. That’s where you want to be.

2. Make Self-Care a Priority

You have to recharge your body just like you do your cell phone. You’re not a machine. When you make self care a priority you:

Feel better
Get sick less often
Have less injuries
Are more present
Have more energy
Are more productive
Are overall happier.

I had a very high performing client recently start making her self-care a priority. She physically had to after some medical issues arose that made her working come to a halt. She started to hold a firm boundary to her work hours and she even included a lunch with friends in her self care DURING the work week. She looked amazing on our last call. Amazing. She beamed with joy when I told her.

When you take care of yourself, it shows. You radiate a different energy – one that’s night and day different from trying to just get through the day.

Self-care to recharge only includes activities that give you energy back. Hair and nails do not count if you’re on your phone, working and not actively recharging. This is what you do to for appearance, not recharging.

Think about adding activities into your day like:

Getting enough sleep at night
Exercising
Taking 30 minutes to actually eat your lunch and reflect on your schedule the rest of the day
Eating regular meals with good food for your body so you don’t snack on junk
Getting a massage and facial once a month (I do this, it’s very possible)
Taking 5 minutes after something stressful happens to be

What self-care will you add to your schedule to recharge? What daily habits can you create with your sleeping and eating? Let me know what you’re going to add to your self-care in the comments below.

3. Schedule JOY into Your Calendar

This is always a hard one when I first talk with a high -performer – what do you do that brings you JOY? Not others, YOU. I usually get a blank look and if I ask this in a group call, everyone is giving me a blank look back.

Why is this such a hard question? Because you’re a doer. You do for others often to the point of exhaustion for you. This means that you make plans with friends and you cancel because you’re too tired. Typically you don’t have enough energy to do things that bring you JOY. You may not even have the energy to think about it. Or it’s so foreign because you’re a people pleaser and you’re used to pleasing others.

This has to stop. Think about things you’ve done that you enjoyed, that were fun. Is it dancing, gathering with friends, scheduling a special trip, a spa day? What is it for you? Now put it on your calendar.

Taking this to the next level for my high performers looks like NOT scheduling one whole day on the weekend. This means no laundry, no errands, no activity of any kind is planned. You wake up that day, check in with yourself and decide what you WANT to do that day. What will bring you joy today and you do it.

I’ll never forget when I introduced this to my clients at a live event. They were so mad – which is intriguing because the intent is to make their lives easier and more fulfilling – which is what this one unscheduled day does. Then I introduced this at another live event I was working at the following month- they were just as mad. Why? We’re so used to being scheduled and doing what we have to do – not what we want to do.

It’s time to make JOY an intentional part of your life again. It seems awkward, but you’ll thank me for it later. All my clients have, even the ones that got really mad at the live events. Joy is what’s missing and is an integral element to the work/life balance. It also brings you into the present moment.

Remember, work/life balance is very possible. I like to call myself a balanced high performer and my clients are well on their way to becoming balanced high performers. Make yourself a priority by having a SET work schedule, making self-care a priority and schedule joy onto your calendar at least once a week. Love you life every single day – it’s also very possible.

How to Clear Negative Energy this Holiday Season

As we approach the holidays, there is a lot of old energy that tries to step in and guide you. You let it in through generational patterns, old beliefs and patterns. It’s been engrained into you.

Many things are shifting right now and you will find that you are ready to be free, move forward and get unstuck. That is no accident!

You are being guided right now to let go of the things that are holding you back so you can step into your purpose in a bigger way. The holidays bring up a lot of OLD, heavy stuff. Triggers, wounds, old pains and a lot of focus on negativity – which energetically attracts in more negativity.

Let’s dive into the different types of energy that affect and guide you, whether you’re aware of it or not!

Types of Energy:

1. Positive Energy

Positive energy is described as visually seeing or feeling light and or love. This energy feels good. You feel supported and balanced. It feels easier to move forward.

Notice that when you go outside and stand in the sun, you feel lighter and freer.

You’ll find you feel better and more positive in the light than in darkness. Sunny days can feel like you can do more because you feel like you have more energy.

Affirmations are easier to say. Abundance feels easier. Obstacles are easier to overcome or find a work around. Life feels more positive when you’re in a positive energy space. People and animals will want to be in your energetic space.

2. Negative Energy

Negative energy is the opposite of positive energy. It’s the absence of love, the absence of light. It is fears, stress, worry, darkness, etc. It feels dark, heavy, like it’s holding you back. Truthfully, this is an illusion and it easily disappears into the light.

Think about when you’ve had a bad day, it feels dark and often you overcome it by doing something to help you shake it or move back into positive energy. It’s easier to be in a negative space energetically on dark and cloudy days.

Negativity is spread easily and often in the media and in entertainment. It sells for some reason. It attaches to your fears and insecurities. It feels more powerful than it is (light conquers darkness always.)

When you are afraid, worry about someone else or something, think bad thoughts about someone, get mad at someone, etc…you are spreading negative energy.

This energy is a little easier to clear than the negative energies in the next section.

Negative Energies, Entities, Demons, etc.

Negative Energies are things that attach to your energy, a chakra or two if they really are hooked into you. These energies require your energy as a power source. They pretend to help you, attach your energy system and will stay until you release them.

They will “help” you with whatever you’re struggling with. But really, they just hold you back, keep you comfortable in your fear and prevent you from moving forward.

These energies take more energy to get rid of because they do not want to leave. Remember the movie, “Ghost,” the black/gray things that would go into the sewers? That is what these look like.

How do they attach?

You let them.

I know that is not what you want to hear and it seems scary but at some point, whatever you were dealing with, you allowed them to attach to you to “help” you with something.

Everyone has allowed a negative energy to attach to them – no one is immune. Not even me. I’ve got some good stories on how I released energies from myself as well as others that were quite stubborn and pretended to be super strong.

I had one blow out a candle when I was taking a shower trying to release it. It left me in the dark – that just gave me the strength to see what it was doing to me and gave me the power to let it go.

What do they “help” you with?

Let’s be clear. They do not really help you. It is an illusion they are helping you.

They need you, they do not exist without your energy. You do not need them in any way. You typically let them in when you are in a bad place and they stay and get more powerful as you give them more power over you.

When do they attach to you?

When you are afraid. It is crazy to think about but when you are afraid sometimes you do not want to be alone, so you let them attach to you to “help” you. They will remain with you until you let them go. They often try to keep you in the place of fear otherwise you will let them go. Often, you have to do letting go to overcome the original fear and then let go of the energy as well.
When you are in a situation that you do not want to leave but cannot stay without trying to leave, you will often allow an energy to attach to you to keep you there. By allowing this energy to attach to you, you are keeping yourself stuck, you lower your energy and you make it possible to stay in that relationship or job that is no longer working but you are not quite ready to leave yet.

How to free your energy?

Let them go. The moment you are aware of the negative energy you are creating (or allowing into your life) or the energies you have attached to you, you no longer need them.

It is time to let them go and free yourself.Here’s a short video I did that helps you free your energy. Here’s a video that helps you clear a negative energy or spirit from your space.

Letting go of negativity and energies is something I was bornbeing able to see and do. You have the ability to let them go too (after all you let them in) but sometimes you need help the first few times because they seem scary and you are uncertain and they will feed on that.

What are you holding onto and why?
Does it help or hurt you?
How are you affecting the people around you.

Letting go is NOT a one and done thing. You are still here, that means you are healing and growing. Letting go is an ongoing process where there is energy for you to clear that appears from this life and others every single day. In my first book pictured to the right, I wrote 40 pages about letting go!

You can find energy blocks by bringing in the White Light and noticing where it’s harder to bring the White Light in or where you see darkness, gray, etc. What are you going to clear today?

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

It feels like your world is falling apart and there is nothing you can do to stop it or fix it.

You’ve lost control. You don’t know what to do. You don’t know what your life will look like. You may even feel like you’re losing a part of your identity.

How did I get here?

How do I fix this right now and get back to normal?

Your instinct is to try to put it all back together again as quickly as possible and exactly as it was – but that doesn’t work. It’s still falling apart. You feel lost, hopeless and have no idea what to do.

It feels like everything is stopped – frozen. Time is going by slowly. You don’t know what to do… and you just want to put it back together again. The way it was wasn’t so bad after all…except that it really was if you’re being honest with yourself.

Why Things Fall Apart

While your life may appear to be just fine, underneath it all, you know that you aren’t happy. You haven’t been happy for awhile but you kept doing the same thing hoping for a new result. But it doesn’t work that way, you keep having the same experience instead.

It’s not working as it is, even if it APPEARS to be. The job. The significant other. The volunteering. Your life is off and while it may seem like it’s falling apart, I like to look at it as falling into something new, something better, even if you can’t see that possibility right now.

Let’s clear this up – if it was working, it wouldn’t fall apart. While it may be difficult to see in the moment, things fall apart so you can step into the new.

The way that things are in your life aren’t right for you anymore and the ONLY way you were going to make a change was if you had to. By everything falling apart, it forces you make the changes you’ve been ignoring, dreading or were unsure how to do. And know this – all is well, even if it doesn’t appear to be in the moment, it is!

What to Do

Flowing through this big change really is KEY. Your routine, goals, plans and certainty is all off.

It’s time for you to do the inner work. Heal the things it is time to heal and refill those areas (like your chest and stomach) with positive energy. Surrender the fear of the unknown.
Create new, supportive routines. Often you are stuck in routines just because that’s what you were taught to do, but do routines that are actually SUPPORTING you.
Get clarity. What is it you would like to do and who would you like to spend time with. Define what success actually means to you, not your family and start creating YOUR success.
Spend time out in nature. Go for a walk, a swim, take your shoes off and connect with nature. It’s amazing how quickly it shifts your energy and helps you connect with your intuition.
Trust that EVERYTHING will work out in the best way possible. You are supported! And if you don’t feel supported, hire support for this transition.

Create a Life You Love

Use this shake up to get more focused on loving your life and get less focused on the goals and hustle.

Do more things that bring you happiness and joy.
Spend time with people that lift you up – and that you lift up as well.
Make self-care a priority.
Redefine what success means to YOU. When your plan changes, make a new plan!!

My clients come to me when everything is falling apart and they’re at their breaking point. I’ve helped them through relationship break ups and divorces after 10 to 25 years together and have them dating again. I’ve worked with successful women that were stuck in hustling and being everything to everyone and making under 6 figures to making mid 6 figures and actually enjoying this life they’ve created.

Things fall apart for a reason. You may not know what that reason is at this moment, but at some point you will and it will all make sense. What is it time for you to do differently in your life?

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

“I don’t want to deal with it.”

“If I ignore it, it’ll go away.”

“I don’t have the time to deal with this.”

“I don’t know what to do about ____, so I’ll just wait and see what happens.”

None of these statements will make your problems disappear. Problems don’t just disappear – they grow.

The stories I have heard as a Spiritual Medium through the years! Something so little can quickly destroy a marriage, a partner, a work or family connection and irreparably burn bridges and it’s often completely preventable!!!

Unfortunately they often take on a life of their own and end up being way bigger than they started. The answer isn’t ignoring them – unless you want a much bigger and often unrelated problem later. The answer is ADDRESSING the problem as quickly as possible – even if you are a drama avoider.

Your focus should be on love and getting more love back into the relationship. It boils down to communication. You must communicate with the other person and listen to them. Communication is KEY and it’s the only way you will find a solution.

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Listen and understand. This doesn’t mean you agree with their side, but to have a common ground, you have to understand where they are coming from just as they should understand where you are coming from. Listen to listen. Don’t just sit there thinking about what you want to say or how wrong they are. Find a common ground.
Pay attention. Most people do not like confrontation and will do whatever they can to avoid it. If someone is coming to you with a problem, give it your undivided attention now and I promise you, it won’t get to be a bigger problem later. A lot of my clients do NOT like confrontation. But ignoring a problem will inevitably bring you drama and more problems. Instead, address it and move forward as quickly as possible.
Speak clearly. Do not tell them what they want to hear to just make this go away. Say what you mean to say and do what you say you will do. “I feel ___”, is the most powerful statement you can give someone to help them understand where you are coming from. It’s not facts, it’s how you feel and it has to be acknowledged and addressed. People do not want to be guessing how you feel or what you’re struggling with. When you communicate real solutions, everyone is happier.
Be aware of your triggers. Whenever there are relationship problems, it’s always easiest to point your finger at someone else – but this doesn’t fix, change or solve anything. Notice what you are bringing to the conversation and is it elevating the relationship or bringing it down? It is your job and responsibility to energetically be aware of what you are holding onto and why as this affects your relationships.
Make a plan. The problem will not go away if you keep doing the same things repeatedly. Make a plan that you both agree to (compromise will likely be involved) and hold each other lovingly to your agreement. The goal is to move forward, not stay stuck in the past.
Focus on the problem at hand. Not every problem you’ve had over the decades – each problem is addressed individually, a solution is found, and you both move forward. You only bring it up again if they aren’t doing what they committed to doing and make sure you are committed to your promises. Do not keep bringing up the same problem, especially when they bring a problem to you. This shows that you are staying stuck in the past and not willing to move forward with them.

Your relationship goal is to be happy! Not angry, bitter or scheming ways to punish the other person. That makes everyone miserable and creates more problems. Let’s get back to love, peace and happiness in your relationships.

The only way to go forwards is to stop looking backwards. Work together and stop fighting each other. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

What’s your STORY?

The one you tell yourself on REPEAT that holds you back and keeps you from truly loving your life?

Perhaps it’s, “I’ll be happy after I crush this next goal.” Or, “My relationships don’t last because they keep ________.” Or, “I want to do fun things but I don’t have the time.”

Your story is an old pattern that you PULL into your life, usually when things are going well. It gives you permission to self-sabotage and pull yourself out of the abundance you are receiving. And it keeps you from loving this amazing life you’ve been so busy creating.

This old story doesn’t have to guide you anymore – unless you like being stuck and frustrated that nothing is changing – you have the power to create a new story.

How to Rewrite Your Story

You can’t create a new result with the old story. You have to let the old story go and write a new one and when something comes up where you’d tell yourself the old story, you have to tell yourself your new story instead.

What is your story?
What happens when you tell yourself this story?
What would you like to happen instead?

When things are going well and you start to fall into old patterns and start to self-sabotage:

STOP immediately. Catch yourself in the pattern and release it by saying, “I’m not doing this anymore.” Let the past go. You can take what you learned from the experience WITHOUT carrying the energy of the experience.
Focus on what is working well and be truly grateful for the amazing experiences that are happening in your life right now – like the thing you were just trying to self-sabotage. Being grateful brings you into the present moment and this is where your power is. Right here, right now!
Shift the energy that is creating your experiences. Create an energy practice to help you reduce your stress and have more balance. Energy affects everything. The better place you are in energetically, the less likely this old story will appear.
Rewrite your NEW story. When that old story appears, this is what you do:

Appreciate your experience, everything happens for a reason:

When __________happened, it was a journey for me to ____________. I am grateful for this experience. I let it go and I am free. Now I will only tell my NEW version of the story.

My NEW story is:

Because of ____________ (my experience) it allowed me to ___________ (grow, stand in my power, express myself, etc.). I am stronger because of this experience and now I can _______ (what good came to you because of your experience).

I am____________.

Going forward, focus on the positive from the experience. What you learned, what skills you now take with you, and how you are a better person because of this. If any negativity comes up, you have more clearing and letting go to do until you can tell the story without falling back onto the pain, hurt, etc.

Lisa's live event in March 2021. Clients wrote what they're grateful for from their experiences.

What new story will you write today?

Just because you’ve been following an old story doesn’t mean it is the right story for you anymore. You can shift and create a new story for any scenario in your life at any time. All you have to do is be ready!

Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. Each book has a different focus to help you on your journey.

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

Relationships endings can be devastating. From an energy standpoint, you may find yourself holding onto anger, hurt, frustration and sadness.

And the worst part? A relationship ending makes you stop because it affects EVERYTHING! Often it puts you into a stuck and holding pattern, which is when most of my clients come to work with me.

They say time heals all things, but it doesn’t heal anything that you don’t DEAL with. Usually when a relationship ends, you blame the other person for all the shortfalls and things that went wrong. While you may be able to do that with one relationship – once it happens again or seems to be a pattern, the responsibility to fix the patterns in your relationships falls 100% onto you since you are the one creating them.

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

The first thing I help my clients with before JUMPING into another relationship is to get objective and figure out your patterns.

While it is easier to keep blaming others for the relationship fails, nothing will change until you recognize what you keep creating in your relationships and how it affects your partners and your relationship with them.

The inner work here is:

Looking at your parent’s marriage. What similarities do you notice in your relationships? What isn’t working anymore for you?
How does your family talk to you? How do they treat you? What is similar with your partners?
What did people tell you as a child? You are too ____. You always do ____. You can’t ___. How do you talk to yourself because of this? What do you hear your partner saying to you that is similar?
How do you treat yourself? What similarities did you notice in your intimate relationships? If you think you aren’t worthy, your partner won’t either.

One of my clients has a mother who is always manipulating the situation and telling her one thing and everyone else something else about her. So of course, she married a man who did the same thing. Because of these two relationships, my client struggles with feeling that people don’t believe her.

She feels like she is constantly battling the lies her family, ex and his family tell. He had an affair and when she went back to their home state, the rumor mill was saying she had the affair! Because of the work we are doing together, she was able to see what was happening, stand in her power and respond in a different way – one where she was able to speak her truth and smash the lies. But in order to do that, she had to get objective and recognize her long, outdated patterns.

You have to change the patterns or you will keep getting the same results in your relationships.

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

Time DOES NOT heal all things! I cannot stress this enough. Ignoring your pain and tucking it away to deal with later (aka never) does not make it go away. It just leaves it there to resurface in future relationships as triggers and old stories that keep you stuck.

The passing of time may make it so that you don’t cry as much or get as angry when you talk about it anymore, but the energy remains until you actually CLEAR it out.

You are carrying hurts and pains from relationships in other life experiences, from your childhood and past relationships. I guarantee it. I haven’t met a person yet that was left unscathed because you are taught to get distracted with work, another relationship or keep yourself busy. None of this allows you to process, adjust and move forward freely.

I have a client that kept going back to her childhood and how her family treated her as the reason she was putting herself last in her relationships. She didn’t feel worthy. But instead of actually healing it, she would say, “This makes me want to cry.” And she would stop there, not do anything to clear it, get teary eyed and literally freeze in that memory. Then she would energetically store all that sadness and worthlessness into her chest and NOTHING was changing. This kept her from moving forward because every time she said that, she got stuck in the moment as a child and nothing changed in her relationships. She was stuck in a vicious cycle of feeling worthless that we had to break by changing her pattern and clearing the energy she was holding onto for decades.

From an energy standpoint, you will carry the energy until you HEAL it, however long that takes.

While you may not have control over what the other person does, you do have control over what you are carrying and holding onto and you can let it go. Here is a simple but powerful practice I teach my clients to help them clear their energy.

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

NO ONE goes into a relationship whole and perfect. You go into relationships to HEAL the things it is time to heal or to support each other with the things you agreed to support each other with before you were born.

You want to stop and change:

Old patterns that make you feel awful. Catch yourself in the moment and do something different. That will get you a different result. Clear out the energy that keeps you operating in those self-destructive patterns.
Drama – you either add to it, run away from it, or try to be a peace keeper. Be aware of how you respond to drama, what it does to your relationships and make the necessary changes.
Communication problems – remember, your partner is NOT a mind reader. Clearly communicate your needs, expectations and boundaries.
Being focused on ONLY your needs. Relationships really are a give and take experience with the exception being on your non-negotiables (no cheating, no drugs, etc.) Compromising and meeting each other in the middle is key.

One of my clients has a habit of falling apart around her birthday. This shows up in her relationships with anger and frustration. She sent her (new at the time) boyfriend a break up text last year on her birthday with all of her demands listed and no discussion – it was simply the end of their relationship. It was the first he had heard of the expectations in the break up text. They did eventually get back together with boundaries and new guidelines for their relationship. This year, those patterns are resurfacing but they are less extreme.

This year she recognizes her birthday patterns. She is now able to stop herself from acting on the self-destructing patterns. She schedules in more self-care, time for energy work and is realizing that everything she seeks really does come from within.

Recognize the old patterns, the ones that make you self-sabotage and self-destruct and shift them in the moment. You know what the old patterns will do, instead it’s time to try something new to get a new result.

I have helped countless women heal past relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL for the experience. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!

Heal the past and make room for healthy, positive experiences in your relationships. It really is a game changer!

Categories

Tag: #abundance

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As an empath, You do not have to personally take on all the energy and let it affect you.

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1. Create a Work Schedule and STICK to it

2. Make Self-Care a Priority

3. Schedule JOY into Your Calendar

How to Clear Negative Energy this Holiday Season

Types of Energy:

1. Positive Energy

2. Negative Energy

Negative Energies, Entities, Demons, etc.

When Everything is Falling Apart & You Don’t Know What to Do

Why Things Fall Apart

What to Do

Create a Life You Love

Relationship Problems Don’t Disappear, They Grow – How to Solve Them Instead

How to Address a Relationship Problem

Reset NOW- Rewrite Your Story

How to Rewrite Your Story

Break the Vicious Cycle: Heal from Your Past Relationship Patterns

1. Get Objective and Recognize the Patterns

2. Do the Inner Work to Heal

3. Create New Relationship Patterns

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