It’s unfortunately very common to be in your 40s and be unhappy. How did you get here? And more importantly, how do you fix it?
Until you reach that goal and you don’t FEEL how you thought you’d feel.
You’re still unhappy and not where you want to be. You start wanting to make changes – where you live, where you work, end the relationship – but none of these will get you what you want.
You want more. But you don’t know what that more is or how to get there.
There’s a few things that brought you to this point and there are things you can do to get back on your best path. Yes, you have one!
This unhappiness left unchecked in these areas is a recipe for disaster, not fulfillment or happiness:
Your Success Wound is in Overdrive
Your Success Wound is your energetic drive to do more, make more, more, more, more. It is something that you come into this life with from past experiences and from your childhood.
What are you proving in your work and relationships? Are you proving that you are worthy, enough and/or love. It can be one or any combination of these. I find most people are proving two of these, rarely all three but I do see that happen.
Here’s the thing, if you are overworking at work and overgiving in your relationships – people don’t see the value in that. It’s quite the opposite – when you are trying to prove something all people see is that you’re trying to prove something and they take advantage of you. This keeps you stuck in a constant loop of over working and over giving until you burn out, get sick or get injured.
Stop proving you are worthy, enough and love through actions. You exist so therefore these are your truths. You have nothing to prove here and like I said, you can’t prove it anyhow. Own your truths: I am worthy. I am enough. I am love.
Here’s a video to help you start to identify and heal your Success Wound.
You’re Not Recharging Your Energy
When you’re so busy being everything to everyone around you but you, you are running below empty. This makes you feel worse and increases your chances of illness, injury and getting sick. The only way to recharge your energy is with self-care and by doing things that bring you joy.
Now I know you’re thinking, I don’t have the time and energy to do either of these things, but you do. They are important. This is how you recharge your energy so you feel better and can get your life back.
Self-care is activities that support you in getting your energy back. Sleeping well at night the right amount of hours for you is a big deal. Most in their 40s aren’t getting enough sleep and this impacts everything. Eating food throughout the day that fuels you instead of causing digestive issues – another big issue affecting you at this stage of life. Taking breaks and time to be so your thoughts and energy all catch up to your body takes less than 5 minutes.
I also mentioned joy. Joy is a fast way to boost your energy. And if you don’t know what brings you joy, and you’re looking at me with wide eyes, you’re not alone. You’re used to being goal focused and not happy focused. This has to shift immediately.
Look to your childhood to reconnect with your joy. I have always loved being on or near the water. Being outside has always brought me joy and I spent a lot of time as a kid outside, even in harsh Cleveland winters. What did you do as a child that sounds like fun again now? Put it on your calendar and do it. Don’t cancel it and don’t move it. This is your fastest way to get energy back.
One of the issues I see in your relationships is that you don’t know what brings you joy but you expect your partner to. They’re a magical mind reader totally focused on you – except they’re not at all.
Finding your joy is something to do without your partner and once you find some things to do, invite them to do it with you. And likewise do things with them that bring them joy. Joy is seriously missing in our culture and it’s crazy because it’s what you look forward to doing when you’re not working.
Neglect in your Relationships
It makes logical sense that because you’re struggling with so many things, that you don’t have the time and energy for your relationships.
The problem is that this is how your relationships fall apart. A lot of women hire me to help them fix or leave their relationships. And while I’m not a therapist and I don’t claim to be, I intuitively read the energy. Yours and theirs. Because your side of the story is only your side. They have a perspective too that you haven’t even looked at because you’re so busy.
Relationships are the most important thing to women. When they’re off, everything falls apart. I see it time and time again. I have helped save 3 marriages just in the last month with my current client base.
If this is you tonight – sitting at home with a glass of wine AGAIN because you don’t have the energy to spend time with the people you really do want to see – that is your sign that something has to change.
Watching your relationships fall apart tells you that you are stuck in patterns that aren’t serving anyone. These have to change immediately.
The Effects of Perimenopause
Then we throw in perimenopause because it affects absolutely everything. Perimenopause often starts in the thirties but they’re not aware of it until sometime in their forties when it literally demands attention. It affects how they feel, what is important to them and what they’re willing to tolerate as they go forward thanks to a reduction in estrogen.
And while we’re talking about perimenopause more than any generation before us, we’re still not feeling amazing at this point in our lives. We’re just getting through it. We’re more easily triggered, we’re not sleeping as well, our digestion is off, our peripheral awareness is off, our patience is gone and we’re done doing it all. We want someone else to step up and help out. We don’t want to carry all the things. We want to listen to our bodies and do what we want to and can instead of what we’ve always done.
This shakes things up for the people around us. This directly impacts those that we care for.
This is the final straw for most women and it’s why most women are willing to end relationships after decades because they don’t have the time, the space, the energy or the capacity to fix another thing.
I don’t care is a theme.
In this phase of life, women start clearing their plates off. They need peace, balance and support in ways they didn’t accept it before. So whether you’re the woman or the partner to the woman, know that this is when the list of things that make you unhappy become absolutely intolerable and she starts getting rid of things she can no longer take on.
This is the final straw for the woman in her forties. If you’re the partner and you’re not communicating and pulling away – she’s probably going to let you. Not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s at capacity.
This is a time when CLEAR communication becomes key. Don’t assume anyone knows anything. Say it. If they don’t hear you, say it again. If they don’t understand, say it in a different way. Or at a different time. But the key to this phase of life is clearly communicating.
Be real, be honest, be vulnerable. It’s the only way through.
They say it’s a mid life crisis. And it can be. I like to call it a turning point. When nothing makes you happy and you have a lot to be happy for, it’s time to make some changes to get new results.
And often the answer isn’t in burning everything down and changing everything. It’s in fixing the things that really have to be fixed and not ignored. It’s not ignoring your body’s messages, it’s listening with love so you feel better. It’s getting your energy back so you can live the life you want to live. One where you are happy.
Being unhappy is a sign to do something different. You still have a lot of life left. Let’s get you on your best path forward.
If you’re ready to hire Lisa to help you get on your best path and loving your life again, schedule a Connection Call with her.
