You’ve been together more than ever before in your relationship. The access to all your usual activities has been altered which means you’ve been stuck at home together and you’re noticing all the problems. Has the house gotten smaller? Have they always gotten on your nerves and pushed your buttons? What new hobbies can they take up? Or better yet, what can you do to get away? There is a new stress on your relationship that being together all the time has brought to the forefront and it’s not working.
Here’s the thing about relationship problems, they don’t disappear if you don’t FIX them. They actually grow and often spiral out of control, creating new problems that make you wonder how you even got to that point. To take the stress off your relationship, start by effectively addressing the problems together with your partner.
Communicating your problems and needs isn’t always easy, but it is harder to fix this later because it’s grown out of proportion. Most people are not mind readers. This means that you can hint, tell others in the hopes they’ll tell your partner, or criticize them and hope for a magical change but it’s not going to happen. They are not a mind reader! To create a change in your relationship, you must communicate and tell them exactly what you would like to see happening. The clearer you are, the more likely you’ll see it happen.
Reduce the Stress in Your Relationship by:
- Getting Clear – Get objective by going for a walk, doing a meditation, writing or yoga. What is at the root of the problems in your relationship right now? When did the problems start? How often are they appearing? What can you do to create a change and what can your partner do?
- Creating a Space to Talk – Talking to your partner is just as important as the space you talk to your partner in. This isn’t something you want to do before bed, when they’re in the middle of something, or when there are distractions around. You may even want to let them know you’d like to talk so they can gather their talking points as well and not feel ambushed. If you both come together with solutions and willing to make changes, it’ll be a smooth conversation. Choose an environment and setting that feels safe for both of you. Pick a time that allows you ample time for the discussion where you will be uninterrupted.
- Talking to Your Partner – This is the thing you don’t want to do, but this is how you take the stress off your relationship and move forward. The key to successful communication is to be clear, honest and focused on your goal of healing the relationship problems. Have specific examples of what is bothering you and specific outcomes on what they can do to alleviate the problem. There will be compromise on both sides. Commit to taking action on the things you both agree to do. Make sure to heal what has to heal in this conversation so neither of you feels they have to bring it up again.
- Supporting the Changes – Make sure you create a way that you can support and hold each other accountable. It may be by reminding them that they’re doing something in the moment but because they’ve asked you to remind them, it won’t come across as nagging. Or you can make sure that you are doing the things you said you would, which will help self-motivate them to do what they committed to doing. The goal is to keep each other accountable and moving happily forward and to address it right away when either of you feel the need.
- Holding Boundaries– Boundaries are important. They let each of you know what is okay and what isn’t. Your partner should know what your boundaries are and you should know theirs. If you haven’t talked about this, make sure you do. What was okay for a past relationship, may not be okay for this one – but they will only know that when you tell them what your boundaries are. Make sure you honor each other’s boundaries and communicate any problems immediately.
- Having More Fun – Schedule in more date nights, self-care and spontaneity. You may try new things or schedule in more things you both enjoy. Focus on doing things that bring you joy individually and as a couple. The better place you are in energetically, the better you’ll show up in your relationship. Ask yourself, “What will bring me joy this week?” and do it!
- Practicing Gratitude – How often do you thank your partner or let them know you like something they have done? What you focus on, you attract to you. Most couples focus on the things that aren’t working, but it’s a game changer to focus on the things that are working. One of the most important things you can do in your relationship is let your partner know what you are grateful for. It can be doing the dishes, doing an errand or for making steps towards the change you’ve asked them to make. “Thank you” goes a long way when it’s sincere and coming from a place of gratitude.
- Staying Present – One of the biggest mistakes in relationships is that one or both of you don’t let things go. Do not hold onto past problems – heal them, solve them and let them go. Really let them go so they disappear and you have peace with that situation. In a disagreement, only talk about current problems. If you or they keep bringing up the past, it feels toxic and stuck. Focus on this moment and making the most out of it together. This moment creates your next, so if you are in a good place, you’ll keep creating good experiences.
No one wants to be around someone that is unhappy and it’s even worse when they don’t know why you’re unhappy. Being together all the time will amplify the problems you were able to escape or ignore before but they were still there. You just were focusing your energy and time on other things and this has brought them to the forefront.
If you find yourself complaining about your partner, you’re irritated by everything your partner is doing or you’re thinking about ending the relationship because of the problems you’re not discussing, that’s your sign that you really need to have a talk, right away.
Stop hiding from the stress and problems in your relationship and heal it. The only way to go forward together is to stop looking backwards. By communicating your concerns and problems you stop making bigger problems. The faster you address a problem, the better everyone will feel.
Your home should be your happy place. Your safe place. Let’s get it there again!
Ready for some support to shift your energy? You can find my books here. I recommend “Energy Awareness: My Guide to Balanced Relationships” for extra support.
Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.
Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach successful women at or near their breaking point to reset. It’s time to find fulfillment in yourself and in your relationships. It’s time to stop struggling to get through the day and thrive instead. You can have it all and love this amazing life you have created. Ready?
www.lisagornall.com All Rights Reserved Lisa Gornall 2021