Leaving a long-term relationship is not easy. It’s not something you do lightly.
You can’t eat. You can’t sleep. You cry all the time. You feel like you’re letting them down. You’re letting the family down. You feel guilty for the relationship ending.
Chances are you have done everything you can think of – even things recommended to you to make this relationship WORK – not end. You’ve done the self-help books, seen a therapist, and maybe even tried some energy work, meditation and yoga. Yet here you are – at a place where you feel stuck and don’t know how to do what you have to do.
What you didn’t want to do – leave this relationship of ___ years.
It’s hard. I know, I have helped so many women through relationship endings I can’t even give you a number. I have heard all the reasons that make it hard:
- You don’t want to start over.
- You don’t know what to do next or what the future looks like.
- You have responsibilities.
- You don’t want to lose your money or retirement.
- This ending makes you feel like a failure (but remember, relationships take 2 active participants!)
Usually you will hit your breaking point – a point where you have done all you can and it is time to move on in your relationship with your spouse or partner of __ years.
Most relationships do not last a lifetime. They have a season. When that season is getting ready to end on a relationship, it can throw you into a tailspin and leave you feeling stuck and completely out of balance. Sometimes for decades but it doesn’t have to be that way.
How You Get Stuck
Even if the relationship is bad for you and you know it’s no longer a fit, it is hard to move on for many reasons:
You are emotionally attached to your relationship.
You’ve been together for __ years. Even if you leave, you find yourself emotionally stuck, recreating the exact same relationship with someone else or so hurt from the experience that you cling onto it years, even decades later.
My client’s have left relationships after 10 years and 20 years and they didn’t think they could do it even though they wanted to and now they are LOVING their lives. They are doing things they love, they’re starting to date and they are so happy they left. They cannot believe the transformation. The longer you prolong the inevitable you keep yourself from living a life you will love.
Even though it’s broken, it’s safe. You know EXACTLY what to expect.
You know the patterns, the routines and you have hoped for so long that something would change and it would get better. Even if the relationship was emotionally abusive, it’s familiar.
It’s a vicious cycle. Even when you leave, you still hope for a change in the other person that doesn’t come. If they haven’t changed, they aren’t going to. No one changes until they are READY and chances are they aren’t changing anytime soon.
There are so many fears – being alone, the financial implications, moving, boundaries, the unknown, what will this person think, how will this affect ___.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard from clients, “I don’t want to give them my money.” This statement will REALLY hold you back for years and then health issues will start to appear. I’ve seen it time and time again. I’ve helped clients realize that the more money they make, the more they can truly live the life they envisioned. Don’t focus on them. Focus on YOU and YOU being FREE!
Or “I take care of them, what will they do?” They are an adult. I promise you, they will figure it out. Taking care of them is what their parents did, not your responsibility as a partner. They will eat, get their laundry done, they will figure it out like the adult that they are.
Change is hard.
This is going to be a big change and you probably don’t like change but remember, life is a series of changes from the moment you are born. Nothing freezes in time. Change is all around you.
Even when you say you like changes, you don’t mean changes like this. You mean starting a new job. Buying a new car. Buying a new house. Fun changes.
I had a client that loved changes, she told me all the time until she left her husband. Then change was hard and she hated it. But luckily they both worked with me through the relationship transition and they’ve both moved on to create new lives that they love. He even went off to have the baby he always wanted and he’s engaged.
Change happens to help you create something NEW. I wrote a whole book on change with exercises to support you and keep you moving forward. Remember what’s harder than change, staying where you are. It can stifle you.
Eventually you will reach a point where it is harder for you to stay than it is for you to go.
And this is the moment you are ready and where I have decades of experience with clients using my intuitive abilities as a Spiritual Medium and I can support you in creating a life you LOVE again.
How to Transition OUT of Your Relationship
You have to be READY. Ready for help. Ready to leave. Ready for new and exciting possibilities.
You have to actually LEAVE. Wanting to leave and talking about leaving are not the same as actually leaving. If you are afraid to leave or are unsure what to do, get help. Especially in abusive situations, having support is key.
Drama is not the answer!! I see this ALL the time. Drama will hold you connected to this person energetically in this life and others (karma) and it will keep you from moving forward, being free and bringing in new opportunities. Remain as calm, peaceful and objective as possible.
The moment you are ready, you can dissolve the relationship and both of you can get back to creating a new life. One that you will both love.
Here’s what I teach my clients to do in the relationship:
- Stand in your power When you stand in your power, you will feel better and create a life that you love. This is especially important for my clients that have left emotionally abusive relationships. Handing over your power leaves you helpless and out of control but once you recognize the patterns and start to stand in your power, you will love your life again.
- Break the patterns. If you don’t break the patterns, you will keep creating the same situations with different people. The goal is to stop doing what got you into this situation and not recreate it ever again with another partner. Otherwise, there really is no point in leaving. Break the patterns!
- Drawing and enforcing boundaries are key. They tell people what is okay and what isn’t. If you don’t draw boundaries, they don’t know. The majority of the population cannot read your mind. Boundaries aren’t bad and they don’t make you mean. They are necessary and help you stand in your power. Boundaries have been a game changer for my clients.
- Energy work is vital to helping you stay in balance and in a good space energetically. The practice I teach all my clients is easy, has amazing results and doesn’t take a lot of time.
- Start living a life that you LOVE. Remember that vision you had for yourself? It’s time to start taking steps towards that vision. You have that vision for a reason. Step into it and let go of the past. Learn from the past, don’t live in the past.
- Create new, fulfilling relationships. Don’t sit at home alone with a bottle of wine, that will make you depressed. Surround yourself with people that lift you up and you lift up as well. Also, say goodbye to any other relationships that are no longer a fit, this is common when a relationship comes to an end. As you change, your friends change.
While a relationship coming to an end may seem like a failure, it’s not. Everything happens when and as it should. Remember, you tried EVERYTHING you could to make it work.
It’s the beginning of something new. You did the best you could, with what you had at the time. Stop judgement. Stop any blame. Be accountable and keep moving forward.
When you have tried everything you could to fix it all but no matter what you do, you feel it is time to END the relationship it’s important to not only free yourself, but them as well.
I have helped countless women end relationships and create a life that they love. They didn’t think it was possible and now they look back at how far they’ve come and they are GRATEFUL they left. Now they LOVE their life. You can too!
I am free. You are free. We are both free.
Move forward on your new path, heal your triggers and live a life you LOVE.
Here’s a 5 minute guided meditation I created to help you calm and balance your energy at any time of the day!
Lisa Gornall is a Spiritual Medium, Healer and Coach. She is also an author, speaker and offers event support and coaching program support for your clients.
Lisa uses her intuitive abilities to coach career driven women at or near their breaking point to reset.
Get your head, energy and life on point. Let’s get back to that freedom lifestyle you originally envisioned! Reset.